Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Surprised by surprise

Here comes some of that cynicism I was talking about...

I've been married to a really great guy for the last 9 1/2 years.  We've been together a bit more than 10 years.  Two, or so years ago, he lost his wedding ring.  He lost it somewhere in the house, but we've still not come across it, in all this time -- although he lot his keys a month after we moved to Stephenville almost 6 years ago and I just, a few months ago, found them in the couch.  In addition to not finding it, we haven't replaced it, so he doesn't wear a wedding ring.

At first, this wasn't an issue for me.  He's a forgetful guy, he loses things.  He lost a lot of weight, his already small fingers slimmed down and his ring didn't fit.  So, for him to have lost it wasn't that big a deal.  Honestly, even until recently, it hasn't been that big a deal.  So what if he lost it?  A wedding ring does not a marriage make, after all.

Lately, though, due to my insecurity, I've been thinking maybe I should put more effort into looking for it.  Although, it still wouldn't fit him.  Then, last night, we were at Peacocks with some friends, having a late dinner, when another friend came through the door.  It's not someone I had known before last night, but rather someone who is acquainted, one way or another with everyone else at the table.  I introduced myself and when I said that I was Matt's wife, he looked utterly surprised.

Okay, maybe I'm making a bit much of this, but I can't stop thinking about it.  Why would he look so surprised that my husband's married?  Was it me?  Was it that my husband doesn't tell his friends that he's wed?  I don't know, but it bothers me.  What bothers me even more than that is that it bothers me.  Am I just being insecure?  Was I interpreting his look for surprise when it wasn't?

I asked my husband about it, but he brushed it off as nothing.  I can't be upset with him about something someone else did, but I'm bothered by it.  So much so that I think I'm going to clean the bedroom from top to bottom over the weekend and try to find his ring.  It has to be here somewhere.

I'm sure the little voice at the back of my mind will shut the hell up sooner or later, but for now, she's not.  It'll either pass, or it'll be locked away at the back of my mind.  I don't let things go very easily, I'm inflexible like that.  I suppose one of the lessons I've learned is that sometimes, it's better to hold onto things for another time, when you might actually need them.

Wedding ring.  I'm going to look for it so that in the future, I won't be surprised by the look of surprise when someone who knows Matt finds out he's married.  That way, I won't have to be hurt over absolutely nothing.


  1. Awwww hun,
    Yes, you're making much ado about nothing. I'm sure of it.
    I'll tell you something about guys. When we're together, discussing our relationship status is the LAST thing that guys will talk about when amongst guys. UNLESS -

    1. The relationship is flat out TERRIBLE. Guys love to bitch about their nightmare of a girlfriend/wife.
    2. The sex is incredibly good or kinky. There is a caveat to this rule however. This rule usually pertains to girlfriends as men tend to view this type of discussion off limits when married.

    I can honestly tell you, I have never specifically told my buddies "Oh, hey, I forgot to mention, I'm married". Now mind you, marriage isn't something that's against the rules when it comes to "proper man code". It's just not something that often comes up in conversation. Unlike women who love talking about relationships. Guys? Not so much. We center on sports, technology, hot chicks.... you know, shallow stuff!

    Rest easy hun!

  2. Actually, that helps. Thanks, Shawn. Of course, and this could be an assumption, but you also wear a wedding ring? I wish he'd find it!! I think, at some point in the near future, we're going to have to replace it.

    I love how you refer to "proper man code." Matt's interesting because he's generally a very private person. He doesn't like to talk about things he thinks are personal and sometimes, those things he considers personal are different than what I consider personal. It's the difference in my having grown up on the west coast, while he's southern.

    I appreciate knowing that men don't talk about that stuff. I've known a lot of men and I think men talk about different things with women than they would with other men. But, I've also never been a man, so I have no idea what y'all talk about when no women are looking. Ha!