Saturday, January 9, 2010

At wits end...

So, my husband has been sick for a month and I have no idea what to do to help him.  I'm absolutely at the end of my rope with this whole thing.  It would seem that he has a really bad sinus infection and his sinuses are swelling shut causing him horrible crippling headaches.  He can't function like this, all he does is lay on the sofa with a hot pack on his face for hours a day, moaning in pain.  He spends more time suffering than he does not suffering lately and I don't know how much more I can take of his pain.  It breaks my heart that he's hurting, but more so because I can't do a damn thing.

We've tried everything I can think of: allergy meds, vicks, saline spray, hot packs, nasal rinse, hot steam, hot showers... nothing is working.  Nothing.  I have no more ideas and he's not getting any better.  Frankly, I dread the next headache because I know that I can't do anything.  The problem is, he always seems to be sick.  If it's not one thing it's another.  For a month in October/November he had H1N1, he was better for 3 weeks, and this sinus thing came on.  I'm frustrated, and worried, and angry all the fucking time.  In my frustration, not ten minutes ago, I actually yelled at him when he asked me to do something.  I have to be the worst wife in the world.

Here's the thing, went to the doctor on New Years eve and they gave him a steroid shot, a prescription for Azithromycin, and told him to go home and use this thing called the NeilMed nasal rinse.  His doctor told him not to fill the perscription for at least a week, to see if the nasal rinse and Claratin-D would clear up the infection, with the help of the shot.  It worked for a few days, his headaches were sporadic to non-existent.  Then, they came back.  He stubbornly refused to let me get the perscription filled, he continued to smoke even though his doctor told him it would exacerbate the problem, and now, now when he wants to fill the stupid thing, we can't.  School doesn't start back for another almost 10 days and until them, we have no money.  No, we have less than no money.  So, he's going to have to just deal with it, which means I am going to have to just deal with it.

To make matters worse, I was looking at the Claratin he came home with last night and realized that it's not working as well as it should be because he didn't get Claratin-D, he got regular Claratin.  So, now we have a med that isn't doing anything, and a prescription we can't afford to fill, pain, and finally frustration.  I swear, sometimes I wish I could crawl under the blankets and make my life go the fuck away.  Oh, and he's just now starting to feel better and he just apologized to me, when I'm the one who screamed at him.  It's official, I am the worst wife in the world.