Saturday, January 9, 2010

At wits end...

So, my husband has been sick for a month and I have no idea what to do to help him.  I'm absolutely at the end of my rope with this whole thing.  It would seem that he has a really bad sinus infection and his sinuses are swelling shut causing him horrible crippling headaches.  He can't function like this, all he does is lay on the sofa with a hot pack on his face for hours a day, moaning in pain.  He spends more time suffering than he does not suffering lately and I don't know how much more I can take of his pain.  It breaks my heart that he's hurting, but more so because I can't do a damn thing.

We've tried everything I can think of: allergy meds, vicks, saline spray, hot packs, nasal rinse, hot steam, hot showers... nothing is working.  Nothing.  I have no more ideas and he's not getting any better.  Frankly, I dread the next headache because I know that I can't do anything.  The problem is, he always seems to be sick.  If it's not one thing it's another.  For a month in October/November he had H1N1, he was better for 3 weeks, and this sinus thing came on.  I'm frustrated, and worried, and angry all the fucking time.  In my frustration, not ten minutes ago, I actually yelled at him when he asked me to do something.  I have to be the worst wife in the world.

Here's the thing, went to the doctor on New Years eve and they gave him a steroid shot, a prescription for Azithromycin, and told him to go home and use this thing called the NeilMed nasal rinse.  His doctor told him not to fill the perscription for at least a week, to see if the nasal rinse and Claratin-D would clear up the infection, with the help of the shot.  It worked for a few days, his headaches were sporadic to non-existent.  Then, they came back.  He stubbornly refused to let me get the perscription filled, he continued to smoke even though his doctor told him it would exacerbate the problem, and now, now when he wants to fill the stupid thing, we can't.  School doesn't start back for another almost 10 days and until them, we have no money.  No, we have less than no money.  So, he's going to have to just deal with it, which means I am going to have to just deal with it.

To make matters worse, I was looking at the Claratin he came home with last night and realized that it's not working as well as it should be because he didn't get Claratin-D, he got regular Claratin.  So, now we have a med that isn't doing anything, and a prescription we can't afford to fill, pain, and finally frustration.  I swear, sometimes I wish I could crawl under the blankets and make my life go the fuck away.  Oh, and he's just now starting to feel better and he just apologized to me, when I'm the one who screamed at him.  It's official, I am the worst wife in the world.


  1. When we snap at our hubbies, especially when they are sick and/or in pain, it's easy to think of ourselves as the biggest bitches on the planet. But the time you have invested into caring for Matt and being there for him far outweighs the time you have spent losing your patience, and I'm sure Matt is aware of this. Plus you're only human; as much as you love your spouse, it's natural to have a threshold for how much belly-aching you can tolerate--even when it's legitimate belly-aching. I'll be honest, you lasted a lot longer than I would have. Even when Clint got those staples put into his head, I gave him exactly 24 hours to recover. I waited on him hand and foot for one full day, but after that, I pretty much told him that the sympathy train had officially departed and he had better quit his whining. Talk about lousy wives. :-)

    So quit beating yourself up over this. Even though Matt is the one who is sick, this is negatively impacting the quality of your life too, so allow yourself some lee-way (sp?) to be bitchy and temperamental once in awhile, and then support him as much as you can the rest of the time.

  2. Awwww.... poor Matt. I've never had sinus problems but I can only imagine what he's going through. Headaches are bad enough.

    As for the worst wife in the world comment? I should fly down to Texas and slap you! I know you well enough that Matt is truly blessed to have you at his side. Everyone gets their short fuse lit on occasion. I have no doubt that Matt understands that. Caring for a sick loved one can be nerve wracking especially when everything you're doing doesn't seem to be working.

    Hang in there Kristyn. He'll come around. Want the official SjN prescription? I recommend getting that Claritan-D and maybe a hot steamy bath for Matt. Then a good book for you to get lost in.

    Love ya Kris and keep up the good fight!
    .-= Shawn´s last blog ..A splash of color in an all too gray world... =-.

  3. SO sorry Kristyn! But you shouldn't feel like the worst wife in the world. You have all this stress and depression surrounding your husband's illness, and no outlet EXCEPT your husband. It easy to see how you could snap at him, even though he is sick. I have done the same with my husband too (and felt bad about it later). My sick-husband threshhold is not very high, especially since I have to take over the reins on our life when he is sick. It is tough. If you didn't suffer from social anxiety, I would suggest you go have a girl's night out, just to get the hell out of the house and recharge your battery. Maybe you jut need to immerse yourself in an awesome book. I really hope he gets better soon.

  4. Thanks Jodi. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who has issues tolerating things like illness when it comes to my spouse. I love him dearly, with all my heart, but it can be so frustrating sometimes! Speaking of Clint's head, is he feeling better?

  5. We got the Claritin-D and his meds and he's starting to feel better. It's funny, I was talking to my mom yesterday and she was musing about how your advice was so much like hers and mine. You're awesome.

  6. You're right about my lack of an outlet, Shannon. I spend 24 hours a day with him, we don't have any kids, it makes it hard. He's not working right now (stupid economy) and neither am I (yay, grad school) and that makes it hard. Luckily, I always hold the reins of our life, so it's not difficult when he gets sick. Unfortunately, when I get sick I have to worry about how things are getting handled.

    I think I am going to go drown myself in a book. I'm really enjoying Kushiel's Dart.