Hesitant, Hopeful

It is not without some amazement, and a little amusement, that I write today.  I went to see Melanie yesterday to catch up and when she saw me she all but insisted that I'd lost weight while I was in California.  I shook my head, no I hadn't, I thought, but it's always nice to hear that someone things you look thinner... especially someone who sees you all the time.  I went about my way, thinking nothing else about it, because I had/have a lot of other things on my mind right now.

Then, when I dragged myself out of bed this morning, I accidentally pulled on a pair of pants that don't fit me.  I buttoned and zipped them and went about my way and it wasn't until I'd been awake nearly a half an hour that I realized the pants I was wearing were crops.  They haven't fit me in months, not comfortably at least, and here I was sitting down in them... and comfortably!  Of course, you can imagine what I did next.

Dragging the scale (evil thing!!) out from behind the cabinet, I took my weight... then I took it again... and then a third time.  The thing said I was down 9 lbs from where I was when I left for California!!  I was still sad about my weight, which happens every time I weigh, but I was also more than pleased to see that I'm a few pounds lighter, especially given how hard it generally is for me to lose weight.  So, with that surge of happiness still coarsing through me, I stepped off the scale but didn't put it away.  I decided that right now, on the impetus of that 9 lbs, I'm going to try to make something of it.

While I was in California, I got a copy of The Spark (Thanks, Candi!) which is a book written by Chris Downie, the founder of SparkPeople.  Though I've used SparkPeople before, and loved it, and lost 15 lbs while doing it, I fell off the wagon and couldn't bring myself to keep using their site (largely out of embarrassment).   Well, I've gone back now and signed up for a new account, and am going to work on shedding the excess pounds.  I feel really good about this right now.  I feel like the book, plus the 9 lbs off, makes this a really good time to do something positive for myself.

Right now, my weight-loss goal is HUGE (no pun intended, I assure you).  I'm going to share it with you, because it's important for me to be honest.  Right now, I'm looking to lose 92 lbs.  When I get to that, and I do say when and not if, I plan to try to take off at least another 30 lbs.  All in all, my goal is another 122 lbs.  It's scary and I know I'm going to get frustrated from time to time,  I may even cry and contemplate giving up, but I think it's something I can do.  Most importantly, it's something I WANT to do, for myself, right now!

So, with the help of SparkPeople, today I start my weight-loss journey.  Sounds corny, I know, but it's the truth.  I'm going to go grocery shopping as soon as possible, get Matt out to walk with me, and try Alli again because I really think it helped me last time.  Anyway, I'm off to get ready for school, have class tonight and still haven't had dinner.

Adieu.