Hesitant, Hopeful

I slept in late today and woke up thinking how grateful I am that this last week is over. Its been a long, hard week and though its meant being able to see my family, something for which I am always thankful, its also meant grieving. Grieving makes me tired, not just physically, but also emotionally, never mind the long drive to Plainview and back, only to turn around and have to go to Waco. All trips were fairly nice, as short trips go, and taken by themselves would have been fine, but all together made for a nightmare week. I actually feel bad feeling like that, though, since my folks left home last Saturday, drove all the way from California to Texas over the course of two days, stayed two days, and turned around to drive all the way back to California. They had a much more tiring week than me, I'm sure, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm tired.

Part of the problem, I think, is that its been such a terrible summer.  Matt and I have struggled these last three months more than we ever have before.  The weekend after I decided not to go to school over the summer, which meant for the first time in 5 years we wouldn't have summer financial aid money, our range/stove died.  I should have taken it for a sign of horrible things to come, but as pissed as I was and as little as I could ignore the irony that literally days after I decided not to go to summer school for the first time in years something bad happens, I still went ahead with the plan to work all summer and skip on classes. Classes I didn't at all need, mind you, as I'll already be well over the number of hours required for my MA by the time I graduate.  No point in paying for something I'm not going to need anyway.

It's not even just the stove, it's the fact that my glasses have been going out of prescription for nearly three months but I've not really had the time, or money, to go to the eye doctor.  Work has been jerking me around, school financial aid has been being uncooperative, and my tooth got so infected that I had to bite the bullet and go to the doctor only to find out that I need a root canal, which are very freaking expensive!  My grandmother's been very sick, which meant taking trips to Plainview.  Those trips were actually one of the higher, and lower, points of the summer because I got to see my Grandparents, my folks, my sister and my aunt, but the circumstances sucked.

School's finally back in on August 30th and I've never been so happy to see a semester coming, especially one where I'm going to be taking 9 hours and working as a grad assistant.  I'm going to be busier than I've ever been before, but maybe that's what I need.  What doesn't kill me makes me stronger... right?  So maybe running the summer gauntlet has prepared me for what's to come?  Yeah, okay, I don't really believe that saying, I also don't think this summer prepared me for anything but being thankful that it's nearly over!

I'm taking this next week off work, I need the time to recoup from the summer from hell before school's back in.  Instead, I'm going to do the laundry, clean the house, and go through the dresser and get rid of old clothes I don't wear to make room for the clothes I do.  It isn't like I'm going to be sitting around all week doing nothing, I'm just not going to be sitting in front of the computer all week.  Maybe I'll also work on my novel some.  I might write a little bit, I need to get an article submitted for Blissfully Domestic so I can stay active with them, and I might write a bit for demand, but only when I feel like it. That way, it's less of a job and more of a hobby... ah, the things I tell myself to get by.