Friday, April 29, 2011

A Day Not Soon Forgotten

Now that its nearly over, I'm almost certain that April 29th will be a day lodged in my memory for all time. It has been such a roller coaster of emotions, I don't even know which way is up right now. All I know is that it's late and I'm exhausted. I should be sleeping, but I couldn't go to sleep, so here I am, doing this instead. You know, come to think of it, this whole week's been really hard for me. I'm just so tired, mentally, which makes me thankful that it's nearly summer break and I'll be able to just forget this last, horrible half-year.

I woke up this morning to a message from my mom, on Facebook, that really sank my spirits. Not that I really have spirits at 8:00 a.m., but this was particularly upsetting. My ex-husband's grandmother died today. There was a time when she and I were quite close, I loved her quite a lot, and to hear that she had died has really made me sad. The years pass, and I've not seen her in a long, long time, but that doesn't mean I care any less or that it hurts any less. I can, of course, acknowledge that I would probably be even more upset had I been around her these last years, but it's still hard.  I worried all day about whether or not I should say anything to him, and how I should do so, until I finally just decided that for my own peace of mind, I would send him a message via Facebook and express my condolences. We're not on speaking terms, really, so that was the best I could do. I hope he understands why I chose to do so, I really needed to.

All of that going on, I had pretty much forgotten about the Royal Wedding. When I got to work, the other girls in the office were all abuzz about it. They had all gotten up early to watch it (I hadn't) and were so thrilled, my spirits were lifted a bit at their enthusiasm. To be honest, I don't really care much about the wedding, I don't much care for weddings at all, and I don't like Kate. I think she's too skinny and looks old, even though she's only 29. I think my feelings about her are a bit of my being territorial about Princess Di.  I know William is her son, but I feel like Kate is trying to replace her--she's even wearing her ring--and that pisses me off. Yes, it's irrational, but whatever.  I did take some time to look at the pictures of the wedding, which was absolutely beautiful. I love to see all the pomp surrounding those things, even if I could care less about the actual wedding. I mean, what were Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice wearing on their heads, anyway, seriously. The British and their hats!

Then, while I was feeling pretty low all day, this afternoon was my Sigma Tau Delta induction ceremony. I was still feeling pretty bad about Mike's grandmother, and didn't initially want to go, but decided that I needed to because I had RSVP'd and it was only right that I should hold up my end of the bargain.  Besides, several of my friends had said they were going and I didn't want to disappoint them, had they been counting on my showing up. As it turns out, my friends Paula, Stacy, and Chelsea were all there, and were inducted along with me, which made it really nice. The ceremony was at Trogdon House, the University President's house, on campus at Tarleton. The ceremony was lovely,  there was a bit of ritual to it; they called my name, gave me red and black honor cords (which I won't be able to wear when I graduate because its prohibited for Graduate students to wear such things), a pin, a framed certificate (which is quite pretty), and some random goodies, like a sticker for the car window, a bookmark, and some pamphlets. Afterwards there was refreshments (which I never managed to get any of) and I spent most of the post-ceremony mixer talking with my committee chair, Dr. Y, who had attended the ceremony.

We discussed my thesis and some other random things, which was nice--it's always nice to talk to her--and then afterwards I went back to the office with her and she gave me a little something for having done her a favor last week. She really didn't have to, I was happy to help her out, but it made me feel good that she had thought of me anyway. She's an amazing person and I adore her. She asked about my thesis proposal and whether or not Dr. C & Dr. S had seen it, I told them she had. It was lovely.  To make things nicer, a friend I've not seen in a while, Chelsea, invited us to go to her graduation party next Friday night. She lives out of town, so I don't know if we'll be able to go because I have to proctor a final that night, but she said to come out even if it'll be late. So, we may go. It was nice to be invited, anyway.

So, between losing someone I was once really close to, the hullabaloo about the Royal Wedding, and the Sigma Tau Delta induction, my day has been a roller coaster of emotions. This is the first time in a long time I've felt sad, indifferent, and proud all in one day. I hope not to have another day like this for a long time, I can't handle these bi-polar days very frequently. As this year goes, the good is still outweighint the bad, but I hope that will change in the near future when Matt graduates (in May!!) and the summer commences.

For now, I have but to say good night. Adieu.