Hesitant, Hopeful

Matt and I were discussing, yesterday, how we plan to spend our last July 4th in Texas. As I moved to Texas at the end of June 1999, going to the fireworks at the Brazos River in Waco was one of the very first holiday things we did as a couple, so it's fairly important to me to have a nice July 4th this year since it will be our last in Texas. We have a really lovely July 4th the first year I was here and I'd like to have a nice July 4th the last year we're here, too. Unfortunately, going all the way to Waco to see fireworks is a little outside the realm of possibility right now, so we're thinking we're going to stay in town and see the ones here. The show here is good, at least I think so, but the decision to stay here for July 4th was not made without some pretty amusing debate.

Let me just say, the fireworks in Waco are done over the river, above the most amazing suspension bridge. It is one of my favorite places in Waco--one of my favorite places anywhere, really--so it's particularly idyllic for something like fireworks. The whole show reflects in the glassy river water, which is green by day but like any river turns an awesome shade of jet when the sun goes down. The sort of color that mirrors the sky. I love it! Matt suggested to me that we might try to swing it, particularly because it's our last year here, and because "it's a better show than the one in Stephenville." Not, "I want to go to Waco" but rather "it's a better option than here."

This was our first point of contention because, while the show is somewhat better, it's not enough better to warrant $50 in gas and a 90 mile drive. This is when he tells me he's just can't be impressed by the fireworks here in Stephenville anymore--and let me reiterate that they're pretty damn good here. He use to be, he said, but just isn't anymore after last year. Yeah, this was the point that it sank in that he didn't particularly want to go to Waco, he just wanted to seek out something more impressive than what we have here because last year, we had the fortune of seeing the Fourth of July festivities at Ft. Hood.

Right about here, we got seriously off topic because I mentioned to him that my mom had also suggested that we go to Waco. I told him that I had asked my mom about where the good shows are out there, and that she had said Big Bear, but that my dad didn't want to make the drive this year. She also said Brewster Park in Apple Valley was nice, but that the show at the fairgrounds was... not so good. I recalled that it never really had been and we got to talking about some of the shows out there. When I told Matt about it, the coversation we had went something like this...

M: Do they have paratroopers?
K: *sigh*
M: Didn't think so! And do they have cannons?!
K: *loud sigh*
M: Ah ha! And I bet they don't have a flag show, do they?!
K: Geez, are you freaking serious?
M: Duh.
K: Ft. Hood = HUGE BUDGET. Apple Valley = not so much.
M: Well, will Seether be there, at least?!
K: GRRRRRRRR!!!! *insert threat*
M: See, July 4th will never be the same. *pout*

Yeah, that was it almost verbatim. The man is ruined after seeing the fireworks show at Ft. Hood that, after the concert and all of those other festivities, went on for what felt like an hour. We've never seen anything like it! It was amazing fun and now he's spoiled (check out this post to read about last year!). Unfortunately, I had to burst his rather playful bubble and inform him that no, none of those things would be happening and that he should just deal with it!

Finally, he gave in to seeing our fireworks show here, with a few more ridiculous questions about cannons and paratroopers. We decided on having July 4th food (hamburgers, corn on the cob, apple pie and vanilla ice cream) and spending our last July 4th in Texas together, the way our first one was spent. While we won't be in the same place, we'll still be together and enjoying the day. As I love the Fourth of July, seeing the fireworks is particularly important to me, so Matt'll just have to suck up his disappointment and brave the crowds with me at the park to see the lights and share a funnel cake... sans the cannons.

Did you know that you can send a fax from the internet? I had no idea, until today when I needed to fax something. Amazing, right?! Or, maybe I'm just behind the times? Yeah, that's probably it. There's a website where you can either send a free fax, or you can pay $2 and send your fax ad-free. I'm thinking that maybe I didn't know because faxing is so old fashioned. Who faxes anymore? We fax across campus at work, but other than that, who uses a fax machine? Wait, they are old fashioned, right? Or, am I behind the times on this too?

Well, either way, I got my fax sent and didn't have to go to Staples. Although I could probably have used the fax at work, but that would have meant going up there, which I will have to do later, but seemed like so much more work. You see, we're having some problems with our cell carrier and after talking to three people on the phone/chat yesterday, two of which just seemed to want to pass the buck, I was told that I needed to write a letter to customer relations and either fax or mail it. The last rep I talked to was really nice, very understanding, and helped me to get the appropriate information so that I could get this problem cared for.

The problem? Oh, well, we're with T-Mobile and our service has never been good, but lately it's gotten unbearable. It was so bad, in fact, that within the first week of our contract we seriously considered taking the phones back. We decided to hang in after finding out that roaming is free, there's no additional charge, as long as we're not data roaming. Okay, we hung in. A few months into our contract, we were forced to cancel our data service because, though we were promised that we could get good data service here, we got nothing. No data service and we were paying $60 a month for it ($30/month per phone). They gave us grief about it, but eventually cancelled it on the understanding that we would keep unlimited texting. Okay, we text a fair amount, not enough to warrant unlimited texting, but enough that it's not a burden, either. So, we agreed.

Fast forward to early this year. We started having serious problems with our phone service. Texts usually get where they're going, eventually, but we couldn't make phone calls at all. At all, zip, zilch, zero. Nada. No phone calls. We'd dial, it'd try to ring, and the call would be dropped in a storm of static. Not just one of our phones, either, but both of them! So, no data and no phone calls. We now have smartphones that do nothing besides text. That's just plain absurd, if you ask me, especially considering we pay $107 a month for service we can hardly use. I reported the problem to T-Mobile and they filed a ticket with tech support on May 12th. Then, I heard nothing about it. In my faith, or perhaps stupidity, I just let it go thinking that they were fixing the problem and that it would be resolved.

Then, yesterday, I got a text that my bill was available. I went online to check it out and found that my bill had gone up almost $5. Usually, that wouldn't be a big deal and I'd have just paid it, but that $5 felt like the last straw considering we already pay too much for service we can't even use. I got on the chat support with a girl who knew nothing and she told me it was because our taxes went up. Um, $5 in one month, I don't think so. I told the girl what my problems were and all she could say was "I'm sorry you feel that way" over and over, then she told me to call T-Mobile if I had a problem. That was pass the buck #1.

I called T-Mobile and got someone in billing who told me my bill had gone up not because of taxes, but because they added a new feature and were charging us more than $2 per phone. She said we should have received notification about it. We didn't. And I told her so, and that our service is horrible, and that I didn't want to pay more for terrible service. She told me she understood, that she would make a note on our file, and that I needed to talk to someone else. Pass the buck #2.

It turns out she didn't make a note, except to say that I was inquiring about our service cost going up. That was really frustrating all by itself. The last woman I talked to was really nice and gave me the information I needed. She gave us a bill credit and told me to send a letter to customer relations because if she turned our service off with an open ticket, they'd charge us a cancellation fee. So, today I sent them a fax. But, it just occurred to me while writing this that I forgot to mention the whole cost going up thing on my letter. I remembered everything else, but forgot to mention that our service cost had gone up and that I hadn't even been notified or authorized any new features. Ah well, hopefully they'll see all that in our file if they look into it. With any luck we'll be through with T-Mobile and their terrible service soon, because I'm having a really hard time seeing my way to paying almost $112 a month for the privileged of sending texts that don't even always get there on time! Nevermind the fact that if they don't wave our cancellation fee, we'll have to pay $200 per phone to be rid of them, something that I just cannot do.

Anyway, wish us luck getting this whole thing settled. We might need it! :(

It's been a trying afternoon.  After my friend's thesis defense (which I attended because I really need to see as many of these as possible before my time comes), I went to the library to check out some books for my thesis research. I took the time to hunt them down, looked through them to see which would be relevant, and when I got to the circulation desk to check them out the library assistant told me that I can't check books out over the summer because I'm not a registered student. I'm alumni, but it doesn't matter. I'm registered for the fall, that didn't matter either. They were unpersuaded by the fact that I'm a current student at the university. All that matters is whether or not I'm registered.

This wouldn't so much be a problem except that the first chapter of my thesis is due in 3 weeks. Yeah, 3 weeks and I can't check out books... not. cool. It means I also can't get interlibrary loans, which I need because our library only has about half of the books I need on hand. Again... not. cool. I can still use the database, but nothing else. Our library is normally so friendly and accommodating, but this is really frustrating and the frustration is compounded by the fact that I don't have the resources to pay for all the books I need (which would run me about $500 or so).  They're also not available through the local library. I might be able to get them online, through Google books, but not complete editions. Google books always cuts huge chunks out of books that are under copyright. So, without the university library I'm up a creek.

But there's more, you see. There are actually research grants available through my school to pay for materials for research projects (like a thesis), but when I inquired about it was told, gently, that they don't give them to people in the humanities because our materials are books, not beakers, and we can check books out of the library--this is a point of some frustration for my committee chair, too, because they treat professors looking for research grants exactly the same way. There's a huge bias toward the sciences; they have zero problems getting grants to pay for their beakers and slides, but ask the grants board for books and you might as well be invisible, or nonexistent, or speaking an alien language for all they snub you. It's disgusting and uncalled for. Our research is important, too, and books are what we need to get it done. But, whatever. It's a battle we can't win and an entire topic for another day.

On the verge of breaking down, Matt took me to Chilis for dinner where we plotted ways to get the books I need. Nothing was coming to us, except to get a friend to check them out for me, but that's not a good option because I don't want to care for books someone else is ultimately responsible for. There're too many things that could go wrong with that scenario. Then I remembered that there's a program called "Friends of the Library," but I didn't really know anything about it. When we got home, after some grumbling about it on Facebook, I was reminded by a friend about the program. I checked it out and it turns out that for $15 I could sign up for the program and have full library privileges for a year. The girl in the library didn't bother to tell me about it, though, so I was stuck feeling bad until I worked it out on my own. Would it have killed her to have said something, especially since I told her that the reason I was trying to check them out was that I was working on my master's thesis?

They've always been so nice, today they made me upset--though she did offer to hold the books for me, which I refused, and now wish I hadn't. So, I filled out the paperwork and now have to wait for 5-7 business days for the program information and "library card." It's annoying, and more of a wait than I really need right now, but it's the best I can do and it solves the problem until the fall semester gets here and I can use my Texan Card to check books out again. Of course, my first chapter will be done by then, so it's a somewhat moot point.

Anyway, the evening has been marginally better. We're having a killer storm, so I thought I'd share a few of the pictures I took.  They're not great, as I don't have an SLR camera--though I want one terribly!--but they're alright...


The first picture is the sunset, from over the fence behind our place [IMAGE REMOVED]. The metal fence separates our neighborhood from the rodeo arena and is like 9' high. Holding my camera up, that's the best I could do, but I think it came out pretty anyway. The other picture is the opposite side of the sky from that sunset, but about the same time. It's a rainbow, hopefully you can see it. It was so remarkably beautiful. So hard to believe both things are happening at the same time. The whole evening sky was burning orange, casting everything into hues of rust. It really was lovely and it helped to take my mind off of this library thing, as well as some other issues I'm having right now.

So, with all that, I'm off. Whether I have the books or not, I still have thesis research to do. It's 11:30 p.m, so I won't be doing it tonight, but getting an early start tomorrow morning is a great idea. A fresh start will be helpful for my psyche, but I can't get that without fixing my sleep schedule and getting back on track. Good night.

I jokingly told Matt the other day that if I had too many more gushy, happy days that I was going to have to change this blog's name to "Pretty Optimist." He thought that was quite hilarious, actually, and said I should share that with y'all. So, there it is. Fortunately for this blog, and for my reputation as somewhat cynical (*cough*), I've been feeling pretty unsettled lately, so it's back to being my good ol' ungushy self.  Bet you're glad about that, eh? I know I am.  Being terribly happy all the time isn't good for my skin... smiling is giving me lines.

Actually, I think I got those lines from work over the last year. I had a job that required that I smile and be friendly. Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem smiling and being friendly... when I feel happy and friendly. Unfortunately, that wasn't always the case, but working with people means presenting tact you don't always feel. Most days were fine, but on the days when I wanted to pull my hair out, smiling became a chore that was almost insurmountable. Who knew that forcing the muscles in your face into an unnatural smile, that felt more like a grimace wrought from slow torture, could be so much work?! Not me, but then I've never worked much in customer service-type work. Believe it or not, tutoring can be as much customer service as it is teaching/learning. It takes a special kind of person to be a tutor and they're not nearly appreciated enough.

Anyway, enough of that. I cannot believe that it's nearly July; where has the summer gone?! I was sitting here this morning, thinking about all I have to do over what's left of the summer between now and my comps--which are only about 9 weeks 7 weeks from now (less time than I thought... time to panic!!)--and I'm starting to feel a little bit panicky and overwhelmed. Like I'm not going to be able to get it all done. It's not a good feeling, particularly because I have to have the first chapter of my thesis written and turned in by July 15th, only three weeks from now.  When that thing is done and turned in for revisions, we're going to go see the final installment of Harry Potter as a reward! Come July 15, there will be exactly one month until my first comps session. Ugh, so scared!!

Yeah, terrified actually.

So, until then I have lots of reading and studying to keep me occupied. I'm trying not to freak out, but I still have so much reading to do and I'm wondering if I'll have enough time to actually get it all done. I really shouldn't have procrastinated so long... really. Which brings me to my next point, I think. By way of procrastination, and because I heard somewhere that if you write down your goals you're more likely to actually meet them, I made a new page for this blog: The Move!! Not terribly cleverly named, but appropriate nonetheless, it's a page that suggests everything we have to do between now and 11 months from now--I set our move date for May 22nd-25th!! Seeing it all written down like that is actually making me nervous about the logistics of a long move. So, if you have any advice about pulling off a long move without complications, please, please share it with me because I'm sort of freaking out a little bit.

We've discussed, somewhat off hand at the moment, the prospect that one of us go to California next April (near the end of the month, I imagine) to help look for a rental. Since I'll be teaching classes, preparing to defend my thesis, grading papers, and packing my tail off, it'll have to be Matt who goes. The idea is that he'd fly out there, spend a week looking for a place with the help of my mom and sister, and if he found one he could fill out the paperwork and get the ball rolling. My mom likes the idea, but Matt's not completely convinced it's necessary. He says he doesn't care what the place we rent looks like (strike one), that it's only a rental (strike two), and that as long as it has walls and a roof he's happy (strike three). The man's insufferable! I mean, of course he cares if we live in a bad neighborhood, move into a place infested by vermin and/or hobos, but he doesn't seem to have much of an opinion otherwise.  I, on the other hand, care very much, but I won't be able to go. So, it could come quite close to being a pointless trip, except that mom and Candi are helping us, so I feel like we should help, too, and Matt could do the paperwork. Silly man! Moving to a place sight unseen, or that we've only seen in pictures, scares me.

So anyway, that's what's going on here. Not a whole lot, but then that's not terribly surprising. I'm having some other issues, but nothing I can/want to talk about here, so I'll pass on those. I hope everyone else is having a lovely end of June and that your summer's been nice. For now, I'm off to get some reading/studying done. Adieu.

Whew, my summer break has just been amazing! If I get anymore good news, I'm literally going to burst--which is doubly fantastic because the first half of 2011 was absolutely terrible. I have a few bits to share today, so bear with me as I, yet again, create a post that lacks in a singular focused topic. You would never actually guess, from my last few posts, that I teach other people to write focused academic papers! Best of all, it's only June, which means I still have two and a half months of summer left before I return to complete my final year of graduate school.  When August comes, the race/countdown is on and the goals are simple: take comps, write/finish & defend thesis, teach, graduate, move home. In that order. For now, I'm still toiling away in summer and though it's unbearably hot, I'm having a good one. So, about that news I said I had, let's get to it, otherwise I might go on and on about nothing, indefinitely.

Item #1: We went and picked up Matt's diploma. He's an official college graduate now (well, he was as of 14 May 2011) and he could not be happier. Happy husband = happy Kristyn. I could not be more proud of him and I think seeing his degree, with his name scrawled on it, has really driven the point that he finally graduated home. On the way to pick it up, he confided to me that he was nervous about doing so. I know exactly how he felt, and told him so, because when I went to get mine I felt the same way. I worried, as he was, that when I got there to pick it up they were going to laugh in my face. They didn't, of course, not in my face nor his. Now, it's framed and hanging, and we're both so happy to see it!

Item #2: I dyed my hair yet again and, yet again, I'm struggling to like it. It was supposed to be Auburn Black, but came out more like plum. I've gotten a lot of compliments on it, but I really think I'd like to go back to brown at some point in the near future. I'd really appreciate some feedback on the color. Mostly, I feel like it's unprofessional and I have a job that requires professionalism. At the end of the summer, I'm going to go to the salon and have it done professionally. No more scary, eternally running, red dyes. I clearly have no business choosing my own hair color.

Item #3: This is the best news of all, at least for me personally. Today, I received a letter from the graduate college at Tarleton congratulating me on the acceptance of my thesis proposal. It was accepted!! I could not be happier, at this point in the process. I met with my committee chair today and we set a due date for the draft of my first chapter (July 15th), scheduled a time to go with the date for my comps, and discussed formatting. It was a good meeting, as always, and I really appreciate these meetings because it's the summer and she's under no obligation to meet with me. So, now that I've received a thumbs up on my thesis proposal, the next thing is to work on finishing my first chapter and studying for the comps!

It seems like that's all for now, but taken all together it has made this week awesome--except maybe the hair thing, I still don't know about that. While I hope to have more awesome week's ahead, who knows. For now, I'm basking in the glow of this summer's greatness!

It's 1:00 a.m. and though I'm quite tired I can't go to bed. Matt and I only have two sets of sheets (that I can find) and since I decided to chose this moment to wash the bedding, it's going to be a while yet before I can turn in. I'm okay with it, honestly; there's absolutely nothing better than clean bedding! Nothing. Nada. Niet. Unh uh! Now that I think about it, I probably should have tossed some towels in the wash with those sheets to make a full load... ah well, c'est la vie. It's really too bad my brain functions so well on hindsight, it would be amazing if it did the same before I need it to, rather than after!

Let's see, what else. I went up to Tarleton on Thursday to say hey to my writing center co-workers and ran into my committee chair in the breezeway outside the building. I always like to see her, she's so cheerful and upbeat! Anyway, she told me that she sent my thesis proposal to the graduate college last week to get the final signature from the dean of the graduate college. I'm pretty nervous about whether or not they'll accept it, but I've heard that it shouldn't be an issue, so I'm trying not to feel concerned. I found one small factual error in my thesis proposal, which is doing nothing to ease my mind, but I can't really do anything about it at the moment. Well, anything except worry, but that's no good. At least I found it before it went into my thesis like that! So there, the silver lining. Heh! Besides, I have a meeting with my thesis chair on Tuesday afternoon, so maybe we'll talk about it. Unsure.

Hmm... oh, I had food with my gal pal Melanie this evening and we talked about the move (to CA next year) and came up with a good idea about how to execute the move that might save us some money. My mom had suggested that I ask my brother-in-law to fly out and drive the moving truck back to California for us. The reason being that Matt's objection to the moving truck is that he and I would both have to do 100% of the driving. Unfortunately, BIL and I don't get along all that great and, well, I don't want to owe him a favor. However, I talked to Mel and we worked out a similar plan that just might work. She and Joey would go across with Matt and me and share the driving. Then, once we got there and they stayed a little while, we could pay for them to fly home. Airline tickets purchased over the net, early enough, are fairly inexpensive when the passengers are only going one way! We're still thinking it over and sorting it out, and who knows what'll, happen in the next 8 or so months between now and when we start to set plans in stone, but we thought it was a good suggestion anyway!

What else? Ah yeah, I'm going to dye my hair again.  I got a color called "Reflective Auburn Black (BL 26)" that should look awesome and be dark enough to cover up my rather loud red hair. And, in case you're shaking your head and wondering what I'm thinking, it's not actually black. It's a very dark brown/auburn that should look good with my complexion. My only real concern is that it'll not come out even. If you'll recall, I was dying my hair an almost blonde for a while. It grew out half-way and then I dyed it red.  Well, as you might imagine, the red is much lighter on the bottom than the top. So, now I'm afraid that when I put brown over that, it'll be lighter on the bottom than the top. Just can't win, but as the only thing I can think to do to fix it would be to cut off the offending section of hair, I'm just going to deal with it.

Oh, and would you believe that even though my hair is still turning my shampoo slightly pink (very slightly by now), I accidently bought yet another bottle of Garnier Nutrisse hair color?! Stupid, stupid, stupid... but I'm consoling myself with the knowledge that it's a different type of the same brand, so maybe it won't be so stubborn. I mean, my hair is actually showing roots, it's growing out, it's been a bleedin' month, and it's still slightly pinkish when I wash my hair?!  That's plain crazy.

Did I share a list of must-do stuff for the summer with you? I think I did, can't remember right off at the moment. Anyway, I haven't gotten a whole lot done that I meant to do, but have decided that I'm going to tackle cleaning both bedrooms. Our bedroom is a huge disaster and has somehow gotten to be the catch all for stuff that won't fit in the other catch all room, the front bedroom. There're literally three TVs in our bedroom, one of which is a console TV. You know, those HUGE televisions that were popular in the 80s! Yeah, not cool. There's also a dresser, chest of drawers, a bed, a microwave cart, and a broken down recliner chair. Ugh. The front room, which is a bedroom but we used as an office, is filled to bursting with junk and desperately needs to be cleaned up, so I think I'm going to try to tackle both rooms soon, as a summer project!  I'd really like to replace the floor in the front bedroom, but am just going to have to be satisfied that that's not possible right now. While we're not going to live here long enough to care, the house will sell better with a new floor in there. Currently, the carpet is really gross... like, completely unsalvagable. I won't go into it.  Suffice it to say that it's nasty.

Hmm, hmm, hmm... I know there was something else but it's not coming to me right off, so maybe I should go to bed. Oh shit, I can't yet, sheets... right. Ah yeah, weight, I need to lose some, blah, blah, blah, you've heard it all already, that's what it was! Anyhow, to bed or not, I'm off. Good night!

Where on earth are the weeks going? If things keep going on like this, the whole summer will be done and I won't have done much at all. While the prospect of sheer laziness appeals to me, it is the summer after all, that sort of loitering about is simply not possible. I have a good deal of studying to do for the comps, and have to write the introduction to my thesis, so sitting around is just plain impossible. Unfortunately, that's all I see to want to do. There is one silver lining, I must say. Rather than just sitting around doing nothing and reading for fun, I've been engaged in some hardcore studying... eh hem... yeah.

What I mean is, Matt bought me the first three seasons of True Blood on DVD. We would have gotten Blu-Ray, but they're about $15 per season more expensive, so DVD it is. They play in the Blu-Ray player, too... poor college students and all that. We're calling it research and are nearly finished with season two. Seems like a good a reason as any, really, and truly the research angle isn't a lie. As I'm using both True Blood and the first four books of Charlaine Harris's Southern Vampire Mysteries book series (which True Blood is based on) for part of my thesis, research it is!

I know I haven't given much away on the thesis front, I'm waiting for the letter of acceptance from the Graduate College that signifies that they've accepted my thesis proposal before I talk too much about it.  Now, if you know me and are interested in hearing/reading about my thesis, I could share the proposal with you if you like. If you're not interested, I won't be offended, but if you are, I'd be happy to share it at this point as long as you promise not to share it with anyone else. I'm quite protective, I know, and eventually I'll have to share, but until I get the go ahead, it's a tough thing for me not to feel quite conservative about sharing.

Until then, I'll just go on watching True Blood, one season to go, and be satisfied that I'm doing my best to get some research done. Tomorrow morning, I'm also going to be starting The Mysteries of Udolpho (1794) by Ann Radcliffe, which will also be for my thesis research. After that it'll be Clermont (1798) by Regina Maria Roche. Then the Twilight Saga and brush-up on the first four books of the Southern Vampire Mystery series. As far as research goes, I don't think it could be much more fun. And honestly, who wouldn't want to be able to consider this research...

Today's been a good day. While  the summer usually makes blogging difficult for lack of motivation, I have no such problems today! Today, everything is alright, which was awesome because this week didn't start out great. I've been waiting and paying on my class ring for about the last 3 months, so when the promised date, June 1st, came around I was all excitement. Unfortunately, June 1st came and went without a ring and I was quite unhappy. Apparently, the gold rope was the hold-up. What they had didn't look good and they wanted it to look the best they could. So, they told us it would be either Thursday (today) or Friday before it was done. I won't lie, I pouted. I'm not good at waiting.

I decided, then, to go and have my nails done today to make up for my ring not having been there yesterday. I made an appointment, got them done, and when I was through with that went into the jewelry store and paid them the last installment on my ring. The jewelry store happens to be right next to the nail salon. Anyway, it wasn't done but the woman there said that they had promised Matt it would be done today, so it would. I almost squealed in delight... but I resisted. Rather, I kept the squeaks of glee inside and went about my day.