Hesitant, Hopeful

Man, I have been a terrible blogger since I finished school. I've hardly touched this thing, which isn't a good thing. I really enjoy blogging, it has been a part of my regular routine for more than ten years, so to neglect it makes me feel a bit like a failure. Crazy, right? I just graduated with my MA, yet not blogging makes me feel like a failure. I seriously need to reevaluate my priorities. The thing is, however bad it makes me feel, there really hasn't been that much to say, or I haven't felt like saying those things there are. I've been pretty dull of late.

The most important thing I've done since graduating, oh, three(ish) weeks ago, was to go to the dentist. I had a tooth surgically removed, three fillings, and a debridement. That was not a pleasant experience, but I lived. I really, really loathe dentists--for a number of reasons--so this has not been my best month and that was a lot of work to have done all at once anyway. My appointment was almost two weeks ago and the place the tooth was removed is still bothering me. There's a huge hole in my mouth where my tooth once was (thankfully, it's not a noticeable tooth) and every time I swallow or kiss Matt I feel suction in the hole. Yuck. I'm really starting to be aggravated with my mouth always hurting. First, it hurts because I have some bad teeth, now it hurts because I had the teeth fixed.

The issue is, all the work I need done isn't done yet. I go for a cleaning on September 25th and then I have to have a root canal on a top tooth. After that, I need a bridge to fill the gap the surgical extraction left. Then I need to have two wisdom teeth removed, I need more fillings, and I'm going to have to get an old crown reset (which is going to require a specialist) because it's abscessed and has a fistula (which is allowing infection to seep out through my gums--um, yuck!!). If I get all of this done and have spent less than $10,000, it'll be a miracle and, sadly, I don't have that much. We're working on it slowly because it's going to be expensive and painful, and work I'm not looking forward to.

Other than my tooth drama, I've been doing almost nothing. I've dabbled with my book, but can't seem to find the motivation to finish it. Hell, I can't seem to get motivated to work on it at all, which is not a good thing considering I'm supposed to be doing that in lieu of working outside the house. I just can't seem to do it. But, I think it's because I'm to a place where I'm a bit stuck. I've thought through some work arounds, talked to Matt about them, and think I might know where to go next. Seriously, anyone who says writing a book is easy is either crazy or motivated in a way that I'm not. Though I think I'd be more motivated if I felt like what I was writing was good. The fact that I don't have much faith in myself is problematic because this story has been floating around in my head for, oh, years!

I'm also planning to do NaNoWriMo this year, but that won't be for another few months yet. Oh, and I'm planning to go back to grad school, but it's not something I want to discuss until I find out whether or not I'll be accepted (which isn't a problem) and whether or not the program I want to do is going to require leveling (which might be a big problem). Finally, the tooth issues have had one pretty awesome side effect. That is, I've lost about 15 lbs since the week before my tooth was pulled, since I can't eat much. Mostly, I've been subsisting on Special K Protein Shakes, pudding, and potatoes. Though I can eat a bit better now, so we'll see if that trend will keep up. I hope so because I'm down to a weight I never thought I'd see. Feels pretty good, actually!

Alright, enough rambling. First, I'm gone for three weeks, now I'm going on and on. Seems like all or nothing, maybe I could stand to learn some moderation. But before I do, you'll probably notice that I've changed my theme to something more seasonally appropriate. I know it's still the end of summer, but I'm really dying for Fall to arrive! So, I've prepared for it just a tad bit early. Hope you like it!

Okay, good night (yes, it's 2am here). ~.^