Hesitant, Hopeful

Looking back on it, it seems like last month I couldn't shut up. This month, so far, not a whole lot to say. I suppose that's because nothing's really changed. I have a few things, but mostly I feel like I want to write. I have the urge to blog, but not much to say. So, I'm here anyway and blogging because I can't seem to ignore it, because it's a new year, and because if I don't blog then it gets harder and harder to do so later. It's a vicious cycle.

So I suppose the first thing is that my cheer around Christmas time that I was giving myself a clean bill of health for the holidays seems to be spot on. My doctor sends out a notice about labs, I got mine, and everything's perfect. All of my labs came back looking as good as they can look. Great, in fact. Cholesterol is good, thyroid is good, blood sugar/A1C is good, girl physical is good, my blood pressure was good and I'd lost some weight since last time I was at the doctor. All is good! When I read it to Matt, he said, "Bitch!" He was grinning, so I'm thinking he meant it in the nicest possible way. He's got a touch of labs-envy, it seems. The man wishes his labs were as clean and shiny as mine. Truthfully, I wish they were too, I worry about him sometimes.

Otherwise, not a whole lot going on. I've started the job search by applying for a job at Tarleton. It's a student records specialist job and I hope I'm considered, I'd really like to work at Tarleton again. I've also come to realize something problematic about job hunting. My social anxiety issues seem to be affecting my ability to look for work. I have no problems looking for jobs, but when I find an opening I have a very hard time bringing myself to apply for them. Extreme fear is the only way I can explain it. Of what, I have no idea, but it's so extreme at times that I simply can't do it. There have been times I've actually filled out the application and then not submitted it, though none recently. I googled it to see if I was alone in this and it seems a fairly common problem for people suffering from SA and agoraphobia. I contemplated therapy last year, but decided I couldn't get up the nerve to actually go. I'm back to contemplating it because it's seriously affecting my ability to function in the real world right now.

Let's see. That's all I've got other than getting ready to go back to school. The books for our classes are going to be about $650 for each of us, so I'm hoping that we can just share. One of them is $530 all by itself, which is insane. All in all, I'm feeling pretty calm about going back, but Matt's pretty nervous. I'm chalking that up to already having gone to graduate school, where he hasn't. Also, I figure if business doesn't work out for me, I've only time and a little bit of money to lose. I already have a master's degree. Matt doesn't, so he's got more to lose and further to go then I do. Last I heard, Melanie is having the same response I am, she's completely chill about it. Probably for the same reasons. But, I'm looking forward to the three of us (me, Matt, and my bestie Melanie) all going to grad school together--and in the case of me and Melanie, together again! That's going to be awesome!!

Alright, now that I've blabbed on and on for almost five paragraphs about the mundane things going on around here, I'm going to go do laundry and catch up on my TV programs. I'm already planning my next post, which will be about Star Wars: The Old Republic. I would have put that post here, but I didn't want a post about an MMORPG to be the first post of the year, after my new year's post. That just seemed wrong. Until next time, good night.