Monday, February 25, 2013

Common Sense. . .

The older I get, the more experience I have with the world, the more people I interact with, the more I find truth in this sentiment:

Thank you, Voltaire, for saying so with such eloquence. Some days, you are my hero.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

High Highs, Low Lows

I had one of those days yesterday. I was feeling really manic and as a result I got a lot done--read a chapter of marketing, began and finished a case study assignment, read/reviewed three accounting chapters, took three account quizzes, did most of next week's accounting homework, and graded seven papers. That's a ton of work and I'm glad to have it done, but I also couldn't wind down when it was time to go to bed. So, I was up until 3:30 a.m. and now I'm exhausted. Unfortunately, I have things to do today, but I don't know how much will get done. I'm feeling more depressed than usual today and just want to curl up, watch some TV, and nap.

I mean, I know this manic-depressive cycle isn't healthy, but I kind of like the manic part. Do you think that's wrong? I really like the highs, but I don't know if it's worth the low lows that follow. I could probably stand to try to remember to take my meds more consistently and this wouldn't happen. . . but then how would I get anything done? I'm starting to feel like I need the trade off. When I'm down (which is a lot, but less lately now that I'm working again) I can't get anything done. I need the highs to power through some of the work I have so that everything gets done.

Take today for example. I did a ton of work yesterday, but today I need to read several chapters of organizational behavior (really enjoy that book, by the way) and take the accompanying quizzes, read the Ropes to Skip section/chapters, write the chapter reviews and connecting concepts assignment, update the peer review sheet for my student's second paper so they can do their peer review on Tuesday, update the assignment sheet for the third paper so that I can make copies and hand it out this coming week, and I need to decide on deadlines and material for paper three. Oh, and I need to do a traintraq training assignment about research for work. See what I mean. Where's my manic highs today? I could really use them.

Ugh, stupid brain. I am seriously going to try to remember to take my meds more consistently and I've been taking vitamins regularly to try to get a bit of extra nutrients, who knows, maybe that will help. I should also probably lay off the sugar, which I started eating again this week (in excess, really, but I have a good *monthly* excuse). Who knows, maybe I'll feel better next week? I sure hope so because I have to write a research paper for my management class that's due on March 4 at noon. It's only 8-10 pages, I can swing that without a problem, but sitting down and actually working on it is another matter entirely.

Okay, off to go wallow in self-pity and watch some documentaries I DVR'd about prisons in America.  Love that sort of stuff. Maybe after bit I'll have the energy to do what needs to be done today so that I'm not doing all of that tomorrow, when Matt's off work. Might take my iPad to the couch with me, though, just in case I feel the energy, since they're e-books. . . assuming that I remembered to charge it yesterday while I was in la la land. Yeah, going now.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Lucky #13

It's our 13th anniversary!! Or, as Matt likes to say, the day the whole world celebrates our love (heh!).

I won't lie and say it's always been easy--any married couple knows that would be a profound lie--but certainly I love and respect Matt now more than I ever have. He's a wonderful guy and absolutely perfect for me, and I couldn't imagine my life without him. And yes, I know, all of that is sort of mushy and generic, but it's also the truth and sometimes the simplest thing is the most apt. In this case it certainly is.

I love you, honey!!

And seriously, check him out. . .

He's hot! I mean, H-A-W-T!! He cleans up beautifully. And trust me, though he looks good in that picture, he looked down right tasty in person!!

Mmmm. . . hmmm. . . *cough*

Okay, okay!! Moving on. . .

Where was I? Ah yes, so, though today is our anniversary, Matt has to work so we're going to celebrate together tomorrow. He'll get off of work this morning at 7am and have to be back to work at 7pm tonight, so sleep is pretty important in there somewhere. We'll probably just grab something quick to eat this afternoon and get some fro yo (I kinda made him promise!). Tomorrow we'll go out to Pastafina and have a nice anniversary dinner, then we're planning to come home, cuddle up together on the sofa, and watch some horror movies.

Yes, I said horror movies. It's our 13th year, horror movies are in order. I mean, it just seems wrong to celebrate lucky number 13 (double heh!) with romance or rom-coms. So, horror it is and we picked up a few good ones at Hastings last week, so it should be fun. Oh, and of course what anniversary horror movie marathon is complete without more fro yo?! Yeah, certainly not ours!! I'm kind of an addict.

So whatever you're doing today, I hope you have an excellent holiday. Happy Valentine's Day!!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Just. Plain. Happy.

It's hard to believe that less than two months ago I was complaining about having nothing to do and about my days running together. Now, I'm quite close to complaining about the opposite, about having too much to do and so little time to do it all. But you know, as I'm writing this right now, I've decided not to gripe about that. I've decided, just now, that I should do the opposite. I should count my blessings. I have a job that's quite flexible (at least this semester), I'm going to graduate school to expand my education and open new opportunities (and I'm enjoying it, for the most part), and I have an amazing husband who actually wants to spend time with me. My life is good. . . and busy, too, but that's okay.

It just can't be both ways, you know? I can't fret over my neurosis and worry that I'm not doing anything with my life and then get a job and start doing something only to complain about it. When it comes right down to it, I'm actually quite content. How many people can say that? And yeah, my life's not perfect, but it's really good. I have a roof over my head, food in my mouth, a car that runs well, I'm healthy--physically, if not completely mentally--I have everything I really need and most things I really want, I'm smart, I'm not too bad looking, and I feel like I'm becoming more self-actualized because I've managed, almost, to kick my fear of public speaking. I'm not going to complain today, even though making a 75% on an accounting quiz has made me feel a little bit low. But you know what, it's just one little quiz, of one module, and I'm not going to worry about something I can no longer change. I'm just going to try to do better next time.

And you know, my job has been quite okay this time around, too. It's a different thing to be an adjunct than it was to be a graduate assistant. I'm not writing my thesis anymore, which takes some of the pressure off--even though I'm in school again, which is quite a time consuming part of my life. I'm more sure of myself and my methods, I'm invested in making the best use of my class time, I'm learning as I go along what works and what doesn't, I'm asking for and getting amazing feedback from my students. I feel quite good about it, all in all. The first papers of the semester came in yesterday and I'm looking forward to seeing how my students did. I'm thinking, overall, that they did great!

So, maybe it's just the frozen yogurt I had tonight with Melanie talking, but I feel like I'm in an okay place right now. No complaining to the world wide webs about my life today. Just positive affirmation that all is well and is getting better by the day. So far, 2013 has been a great year, and it's almost my 13th anniversary, which makes it even better! I love that the year starts out pretty quickly with my wedding anniversary, it always makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Matt's an amazing guy and I'm so thankful to have him in my life. Now, with all that gushing, rather than griping, back to my homework because I have a lot left to do this weekend. Good night!


Oh, so check this out, it's been a while since I wrote earlier and I'm reading about motivations in my Foundations of Management book. The chapter is talking about Maslow's hierarchy and how self-actualization is the top tier. That brought me back here because I was talking, up there, about how largely overcoming my fear of public speaking has been making me feel more self-actualized. It seems all of my lower level needs are met enough that, in regard to this one aspect of my life, I've been able to rise to the top, which makes me feel good about myself.

And you know, now that I think about it, it also explains why I was able to overcome this particular fear as a side-effect of going to graduate school. If I understand it correctly and if Maslow is right--and most people seem to believe he is--when lower level needs are met we are able to rise to the next level more freely. My physical, safety, and love needs (the first three of Maslow's five levels) have been met for a long time, but going to graduate school and becoming more educated has helped to meet my needs for esteem, both in terms of worthiness to others and worthiness to self. When my self-esteem rose, I was more able to speak in front of other people, which has helped me to become more self-actualized and reach my full potential in this aspect. Yeah, definitely go me!!

PS. If I'm misunderstanding/butchering poor Maslow with my somewhat shallow understanding of his hierarchy, please don't tell me. I like the idea that I'm getting somewhere inside my head.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

On Holiday Haters...

It's Superbowl Sunday and rather than feeling cheerful, like I was this morning (despite my pounding head), I'm feeling a little bit annoyed. The Superbowl's not the reason for my annoyance, certainly, but it is the catalyst. It's the unfortunate "holiday" in the firing line and it could have been any holiday, really, but this one is where I meet my breaking point. I'm so unbelievably tired of people complaining about every single freaking holiday, like it's such a bother to just let people enjoy them. It's really irritating and no holiday seems to be exempt from someone's complaining about it.

All holidays have the curmudgeons who can't let others enjoy it. It's Christmas? Oh noes, those dirty atheists are waging a war against religion, stealing the holiday, and overly commercializing it! Superbowl? Damn those stupid fans who actually enjoy the big game one goddamn day of the year--how dare they, *gasp,* enjoy themselves! Valentine's Day? Clearly only idiots enjoy this Hallmark holiday, created to make money, duh. And really, how dare anyone actually enjoy being in love, shame on them! I could certainly go on... but I won't. You get the point.

I just don't get it. So you don't like the holidays, why bring others down? Why complain about people who enjoy it? Why make others feel bad because you're grumpy? Why not just ignore the happy people for a day or two? And really, it's out of hand. One Valentine's day, I actually got several private messages on Facebook shaming me for getting married on Valentine's day. People called me a sell out, to my (virtual) face, rather than just saying congratulations... and they did it in private messages, where the rest of the internet wouldn't see what assholes they are, on my anniversary. What is wrong with people?!

So really, the next time you feel the urge to be a shit about a holiday, while others are enjoying it, just don't. Or, do so in private where your issues won't rain crap on everyone else's parade. Take some motherly advice: If you can't say anything nice, don't fucking say anything at all.