Sunday, September 29, 2013

The First 2 lbs...

...that's what I lost this week.

It may not sound like much, but it's a pretty big milestone for me. Which probably doesn't make much sense and I don't actually plan to elaborate--someday, when I look back at this, I'll know what it means and that's good enough. For now, just take my word for it, those two pounds are a big deal. They're the beginning of an even bigger deal.

Here's the thing. Earlier this year, I wrote about accepting myself. It turns out that was both a good and bad decision. Good because it was soothing to my self-esteem and the issues I have with positive body image. Bad, though, because that acceptance led to a whole lot of mindless, unconcerned eating that led me to gain a lot of weight. And when I say a lot, we're not talking about 10 or 15 lbs. We're talking about 55 lbs. That's a pretty big issue and I'm not blaming the whole deal on my self-acceptance, but a lot of it boils down to that.

Well, that and I'm an emotional & compulsive eater, which is something I am seriously struggling with. Something I battle every minute of every day because, well, I think about food every minute of every day. I want to eat every minute of every day. Some-days it's so bad that all I can think about is food, without the ability to concentrate on other things. This is an issue I have no idea how to effectively overcome. I can't seem to control my own brain, but I'm trying really hard to adjust my relationship with food so that this isn't an issue.

In order to do that, I've gone back to SparkPeople, which the community is really supportive and the tools are really helpful. I've been trying to think about my attempts to get healthier as a lifestyle change and not a diet. I've been trying to get more exercise--which I missed this weekend because my knee is a bitch, and which I actually missed doing. To that end I've been walking and using RunKeeper to keep up with said walks--a really good app that is very accurate as long as you have good GPS on your phone. Works amazing on iPhone, even in our tiny little town where we can get 4g but not LTE connections.

I've been eating better and cooking at home. Since I love to cook, this is a win-win. It's much cheaper to eat at home, and I know what's going into my food. But, on the downside, I think it feeds my agoraphobia a little bit since I'm going out of the house less (Matt and I used to eat out pretty much every day), an issue that going to walk is helping to balance a bit. And, eating better is making me feel better. Which is a positive for my mental health.

I'll be back to walking on Tuesday, since my knee is feeling a bit better. I can't wait to get back to the company of my best friend and this morning view...

Until then, I'm going to have a sandwich and watch the football game (Seahawks/Texans), and be happy knowing I'm trying to do something to improve my well-being. Have a nice weekend!