Hesitant, Hopeful

I feel like hell today. I slept pretty well last night, I had a good breakfast, but emotionally, I'm really low. The fact that I have pretty much zero reason to feel low is only making it worse--it always does. But then, depression works that way, doesn't it. It makes us feel ugly and numb, then tears us down when we feel ugly and numb.

Maybe making a list of all of the reasons I shouldn't feel like this will make me feel better? Lists are the answer to the universe's problems, after all. Right? Right. Ugh, positive self-talk always makes me feel stupid.

Okay, so...

1) Last night I got quite a lot of writing done. I wrote about 2,750 words. After those words, I'm now only about 8,000 words behind schedule to finish NaNoWriMo.

2) This picture of this guy...


Chewbi loves playing dress up (eh, hem... yeah).

3) I've lost 14 lbs since I started working toward losing some weight about two months ago. That's one pound shy of my first goal. When I lose 15 lbs, as a reward, I'm going to get myself RunKeeper Elite.

4) I have a really smart, supportive husband. Really, really smart and supportive. He works hard to remind me that I can get my writing done and he cheers me on when I meet my goals.

5) I get to go back to work in January. Thank god! I am absolutely lost without something meaningful and productive to do. Since I love my job, it's great that I have the opportunity to go back to work after Christmas.

I just took a whole lot of nastiness out of that list. Almost all of the things was twice as long and included the negative things. Like the fact that I hate like a garbage bin last night (1,600 calories in one meal, yikes!). But, I think I needed to see the list exactly the way it is, with only the positive stuff. Sadly, a list of good things going on has done nothing to make me feel better. I think I'll go clean something or get some writing done. If I hand out here much longer I may decide to make a list of bad things. I can think of a lot more than five bad things.