Hesitant, Hopeful

Edit: If you see this, here, then you've arrived at my new site. I'm still working out some kinks, but I think I've just about gotten everything moved!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I mentioned in the previous blog post that I'm considering moving my blog. While I currently self-host with HostGator, a really reliable webhost that I would highly recommend, I don't think my blog gets enough use to pay almost $11 per month upkeep. Also, though it has it's perks, self-hosted is a lot more work than hosting with Blogger or on WordPress.com. So, I'm considering a short move. I'd still have the same domain name, but my site would be housed somewhere else. I'm a little bit uncertain about the logistics, especially considering I have so many pictures, but it may be worth a shot.

So, in the interest of find a potential new home, I've been toying with the pros and cons of both Wordpress and Blogger, and I can't decide. Both are good platforms, each with some pretty strong negatives. And you know I always feel out the negatives first thing. So here's what they're looking like...

The Cons:

1. WordPress has gotten ugly--Without the ability to buy custom themes (unless you pay an arm and a leg for customization options), the free themes at Wordpress.com are not at all my style. I like pretty and none of them are pretty. They're all utility and no glitz. Though there are a very few feminine options, they're not enough to keep me going considering I like to move the virtual furniture more often than most people.


2. WordPress has zero customization--Though a few of their themes allow you to customize the header or the colors, the inability to customize (again, as above) is a big drawback considering their competitor has complete (and completely free) customization.


3. Blogger has a less inclusive community--One of the amazing things about WordPress is the community. People find you without much work and the reblog feature is awesome. Blogger is missing out on that element. This is a pretty big deal, but I can't decide if it's a deal breaker.


4. Blogger handles pictures like crap--While WordPress allows for some pretty elegant image imbedding, Blogger still hasn't quite gotten the hang of it. Try posting two pictures beside one another, or changing the imagine size, or the amount of space between images... it's ludicrous how clumsy it is.

The Pros:

1. WordPress Reblog--The ability to repost something others have said with the click of a button is pretty amazing. I absolutely love it. Add to that a pretty rad community and WordPress is pretty neat.


2. WordPress has a very user-friendly interface/dashboard--Blogger's doesn't look or move quite as well, though it does get the job done. WordPress, on the other hand, almost makes up for their crappy theme options with a really swift and lovely user interface.


3. WordPress security--WordPress.com has apparently doubled down on security and now have an authenticator for logging in. I like this, it makes it harder (if not impossible, to hack my account). Also, WordPress has Akismet, a tool for preventing spam and Blogger doesn't.


4. Blogger allows full customization--I cannot express what a huge deal this is. While you can go out and buy some amazing themes, or build your own amazing looking theme, with Blogger, the same simply cannot be said for WordPress.com. Customization is king--right beside words, of course.


5. Blogger is powered by Google--This is a big deal. It means it's linked to my Google account, Google+, and other Google web tools that WordPress doesn't have.


6. Blogger doesn't nickel and dime you--This may seem like a small thing, but if you want any customization at WordPress.com, you have to pay through the nose for it. Any kind of customization costs. Want a nicer theme? $75 please. Want to customize colors? $30 please. It's pretty gross, considering, again, that their competition charges $0 for the same features.

Okay, so you see my dilemma. I can't decide which of these cons are worse, nor which of the pros are best. Until I can suss this out, I guess I'm not really going anywhere. Though I'm thinking I should decide soon as my web hosting fee will come due in about two weeks. That should be enough time, right? Um, maybe.

Help me out here?! Please!

Do you think it's possible that I have nothing to say? I'm starting to think so. Every time I open this screen to write a post I get about three sentences in and call it quits. I've tried to write about my 500th blog post (two posts ago, the video of Jensen Ackles, because 500 is too much pressure), I've tried to write about MRAs and the Elliot Rodgers thing, I've even begun post about what we did last weekend... all amounted to nothing. Maybe I'm losing traction on this whole blogging thing. Maybe I have nothing left to say after rambling on and on for, oh, eleven years. Hell, I've been trying to write this particular ranty post for the last three days.

Maybe I should quit?

For now, I'm going to back burner that particular thought because it is, more likely than not, some part of my depression talking. Instead, I'm going to share something personal. Okay? Okay.

I finally made it to therapy. I went two weeks ago for a consult and then had my first session this week on Monday. I'm honestly not sure how this whole thing is supposed to go. So far, it's been a lot of me rambling on about my issues and her listening--it feels completely unorganized, but that may be my perception. She's offered me a few suggestions about how I might worry less (because my anxiety is, if you can believe it, potentially a bigger problem than my depression). I'm going to give her suggestions a try and we're going to try a treatment called timeline therapy, which I'm open and looking forward to, though I'm not 100% sure how it works. I suppose we'll see. I have another appointment in two weeks.

Until then, I seriously need to kick this whole blogger block thing and start writing again. Maybe writing about my life, having a personal blog, is the problem. I'm not terribly interesting, particularly when I'm not working. I literally only leave the house when I have to, which is part my anxiety about leaving the house and part laziness. I have no where to go and nothing to do, and really no one to see. Summer usually just speeds past in a blur of days that're exactly like the ones before them. It's actually a little depressing. I should seriously look for a job, but who hires 35 year olds with masters degrees for summer work? Yeah, I have no idea either.

Honestly, I don't know and it's too late for me to process it. Right now I'm just happy to have gotten through more than two sentences.

PS. I'm considering moving my blog to either Blogger or Wordpress.com, where it's free. I don't know that I blog enough to warrant the $10 per month it costs me. Not to mention the unbearable amount of spam I get. It's ridiculous. So, if you happen by and I'm moving, forgive me. If I decide to go somewhere else, I'll redirect. It just seems like those places are much lower maintenance than this--except that I hate the way pics imbed on Blogger. Uck. Still thinking about it.

For now, good night.

Well, I'm still sick. I've gone to the doctor twice, gotten two different types of antibiotic shots, two steroid shots for inflammation, taken a full ten day cycle of Amoxicillin and am still freaking sick. I've taken theraflu, BC Powder, Tylenol, downed four or five bags of Ricola, taken Benedryl, Advil, vitamin C, tried DayQuil and am now onto Tessalon perles for the cough. But, I'm still sick.

I could ring Matt's neck. The only consolation here is that he's still a bit sick, too, and that I'm feeling better than I was even though I'm not completely better. If he ever intentionally coughs on me again, I'm seriously going to... I don't know. I'm apparently still too sick to come up with a good threat.

Unfortunately, I've developed some moderately serious symptoms that my doctor seems to have no idea about. Most notably, a pretty serious case of hematuria. It's the reason I went to the doc the second time. They tested me for a bladder or kidney infection, but I don't have one. So, she's not sure what's causing the blood which is only making me fear the worst. And, while I'm trying not to stress out about it, it's not going all that well considering stressing and worrying are my best skills. This whole thing has my anxiety way up, which isn't helping anything at all. My coping skills are already pretty crappy and being sick makes it worse. The only good sign is that I don't seem to have any other symptoms of serious illness. No fever, no pain in my back or sides, the dizziness and nausea have pretty much gone away.

So, I've pretty much spent the last two weeks laying on my sofa trying really hard to get better. No dice just yet except that I seem to feel good enough to sit at my computer for longer than ten minutes at a time. That's progress, I suppose. Oh, and bonus, I've started having migraines and some pretty bad heartburn. In short, I'm a total wreck.

And, now I'm going to go lay down on the sofa, stare at the TV some more, and try really hard not to feel sorry for myself (which isn't really my best thing when I'm sick).

I'll just leave this right here...

This outtake from Supernatural is pretty amusing even if you don't watch the show. Jensen Ackles is hilarious... and hot! *swoon*

I have one more thing to add to the previous whiny rant about how the universe has it in for me: I. am. sick. Full on, sick. My head is congested and my throat hurts. I'm coughing, which is making my throat feel like it's on fire, and I can't breathe. Cough drops aren't helping much either. Add Matt's smoking to that equation, to which I am already allergic, and I am so miserable right now. I'm also weak and tired, and want nothing more than to lay on the sofa and veg.

I got it when Matt came home from work with some sort of plague and, jokingly, coughed on me while we were in Wal-Mart getting his damn DayQuil. Ha, ha. He says he only coughed on me after I was already getting it--because before this he kissed me and then realized he shouldn't have. I call bullshit. I was fighting it off, I take vitamins C and D12. I managed to make it through a whole semester without bringing anything home to him, which is pretty good considering I work with 18 and 19 year olds. One measly plague is going around at Matt's job and I become a victim. I don't even work there, I don't have direct contact. It's not a wonder Matt got sick, but I shouldn't have had to.

So am I blaming this on him? Yes. He's going to the health center on campus today. I can't go because I have to work. Rather than laying around and moaning about feeling like crap, I get to sit a final and grade papers. Hooray. So now his plague is going to be passed around to my student who's is coming in for her make-up exam and to my poor, unsuspecting coworkers. Which is not awesome, but also not avoidable.

Thanks, honey. I'll make sure to "jokingly" cough on you next time I'm sick. It's hilarious, you'll see.