Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Magical Place Called IDGAF...

I have arrived there, y'all. I have finally gotten to the mythical place where, quite suddenly, I do not give a crap. The place where years of putting in the effort to reach for people who don't reach back has left me truly and throughly done with it. I am done. That's all. I. am. over. it.

What brought upon this realization? Well, tonight on Facebook I came across some posts by this self-righteous ass I happen to know. I don't care for him and I never have, but I'm cordial for the sake of other relationships. In other words, I suppress my distaste for him quite convincingly. But tonight, reading his ridiculous and quite frankly laughable "Im better than everyone else" type crap, I really wanted to punch him in the face. I really, really wanted to punch him in the face.

And then I started to laugh. Which, if you must know, was a little bit crazy because there's no one else here. Unless you count the dogs and Galileo, of course, who were all looking at me like I'd lost it. Little did they know I'd finally found it. 

I finally found it. My self-worth. It was hiding under layers and layers of angst, irritation, and sadness about relationships in my life that're broken. Behind people in my life who do not give a flying fuck about me and, debatably, never have. 

I reached down into the place all those people usually reside in my mind and heart, and I found... nothing but a burnt-out hole. I kind of like not giving a crap. It's making me feel... lighter. Don't want to have a relationship? Don't care enough to invest even a few minutes? Okay, then. 

I feel like this is good for my attempts to find a new, healthier, more hopeful outlook. 

But then, do I mean everyone? Of course not. I have friendships that have gotten stronger over the years. That have weathered some pretty heavy storms and come out the other side healthier.  I have friendships that're more like sisterhoods and there are people who I cherish even when we don't see one another for a long time. There are people I love and value, and hope never to lose. And people by whom I feel loved and valued. 

It's the others, the ones who never really worked that hard to build something lasting, then left me feeling really lonely. It's them. I'm done. Amen. 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Our Family Visit...

My folks were in town last week. They came out to see our house and to celebrate my mom's birthday. It was absolutely awesome to see them, even though it was too short. It always seems to be too short. But, I was so pleased that they could come out and just when it's turning fall here, too. Great visit, gorgeous weather. We went to Bear Lake, visited some local places, and just spent the week together.

I had to work on Monday and Tuesday, but we spent the evening together on those days. On Tuesday my dad and I went to Salt Lake City to pick up Candi from the airport. That was an adventure. We drove into and then out of the little airport pretty quick. Fortunately, unlike some airports (Vegas and Dallas, for example) we didn't end up all the way out and were able to do a round-about. Then we had to find where to park and all that. It was kind of hilarious, actually.

On Wednesday, we went to Bear Lake for my mom's birthday. The drive through Logan Canyon is amazing all the time, but when it's turning fall, it's breathtaking. And, honestly, it's not even full-fledged fall yet. I'm going to make Matt take me back through there closer to the end of October.

The overlook before you get to Bear Lake is awesome. It's such a photogenic mountain. Candi and my Aunt Pam took tons of pics. I just love it. I don't so much love the last few minutes of drive to get there, it's high and winding, and scares me a bit, but the fear is worth it. Besides, without that, you wouldn't have this...

My folks pulled into a park there in Garden City (Bear Lake) and we noticed this little boardwalk that winds through a short wetland. Foxtails are growing up all along the path, along with a lot of other high brush. We saw a deer hopping around in there, but weren't fast enough to catch it on camera. Every angle of this little boardwalk was photogenic. I just loved it and I hadn't known it was here before now.

At the end of the boardwalk was the beach. The lake has receded a bit because it's so late in the season, so we had to make a short trek down to it. Candi and I went, the rest stayed up at the picnic tables. I think they thought we were a little crazy!

We walked around in the quite cold water, took pictures of the beach, and just enjoyed ourselves. That lake is awesome. We may have to go back when it's summer and the lake is higher. Even still, it's a beautiful lake. We all enjoyed our time out there.

After the lake, I got everyone together on that little boardwalk for a group pic...

I just love this pic! Everyone looks awesome. Even Princess (the dog, of course) made it into the pic. Matt's smirk makes me smile. But this pic. This pic is awesome (except that my aunt's head got chopped off). Matt cannot take a picture without the bunny ears. He just can't help himself...

On the way home from Bear Lake we took a ton of pics of the canyon. It's just too beautiful not too stop and snap a few...

Tell me it is not just gorgeous! That little bridge pic was taken from just near the water where I took the pano of the river. I sort of wished we had taken a picnic and had lunch out there. Matt had to go to work for a meeting, just an hour and a half, but a picnic might have been pushing it on time.

When we got back into town, we enjoyed the afternoon and on Thursday went out to see some of the antique shops in town and stopped into the Bluebird Candy Company. Confession: I had no idea this little shop was here at all. My mom was looking into the local stuff and found it. And what a great find! They make the absolute best candy, all hand dipped. No machines for coating, each chocolate is dipped, one at a time, by hand. The old fashioned way.

They have such a cute little shop. Matt and I got a one pound box, my folks got two pounds. They don't live here and there were more of them to share it. Candi had fun picking out all the flavors. We all really loved stopping in there. The woman behind the counter was so nice, very chatty and made us feel right at home. And how gorgeous is this...

Such a pretty box! I just love it. And everything inside has been delicious so far. I told Matt that if he was ever at a loss as to what to buy me for holidays, this was his saving grace.

On Friday, they left for home. It was really a very lovely week. They (almost) all really liked Utah and our little town. We certainly love it here. And, it's only a 10 hour drive from home, which is even better. Next time, it'll be us going to them. I'm thinking it'll be after the new year some time, we'll see.   On Saturday they were home safe and sound, and in time to pick up Lexi (the other dog) from the doggy hotel. She's too ornery to take road-tripping. ;)

Sunday, September 13, 2015


Getting settled in our new place has been so surreal. I still have moment where I'm struck by how strange it is that we actually live in Utah. Utah, of all places. I had no idea we would ever be here, let alone that we could love it so much. It's caught me off guard in every conceivable way. That said, as strange as it's been, we're actually getting settled. Our house is starting to look, little by little, like people actually live here.

While we're settling in, I've been bitten by the domestic bug. It's been an urge so powerful, I can't seem to ignore it. I'm admittedly not the most domestic person ever. I like to sew, but I sort of suck at it, and I hate to clean. So far, my domestic streak has extended to decorating and not much further. But a few weeks ago, on a whim I bought a canning magazine at the check-out line. Then, I bought a boiling water canner and some jars. This weekend, I bought fruit and actually turned it into jam!

I'm so thrilled with myself. Normally, I'd be skeptical, but it came out so good, I can't help but feel a sense of victory. I've done something thoroughly domestic and I've done it well. Go me! Of course, I suppose it's also a little bit sad that I feel so good about something so small. But, whatever.

Matt was working yesterday afternoon, so I braved my nerves about messing up like $30 worth of ingredients and jumped in. The result: this awesome peach bourbon jam. 

I was concerned that it wouldn't set up, or the jars wouldn't seal. Both things worked out beautifully. The jars sealed and the jam set. There was a bit left, I probably could have made another jar, so I put it into the fridge and we've had some today. Matt doesn't even like peach and he really likes it. He even asked me if I planned to give the jars away or if they were for us. He didn't want me to share. Score!

And, I had so much fun making it, that today while we were watching the first football game, I chopped up the plums that were in our fridge and made plum jam. One of Matt's employees brought him a bag full of asian pears and plums from her trees, so I used the plums.

It tastes good, but I'm skeptical about whether or not it'll set up as well as the peach. No pectin in the plum jam, which only made 3 jars, whereas the peach made 7+. I hope it's good. It has a beautiful, rich purple color. Fingers crossed it turns out okay, otherwise it'll be closer to a chunky plum syrup than it will jam. If it doesn't turn out right, well, chalk it up to a learning experience. 

One night this week, I'm planning to start the watermelon pickles I'll be making--they take two days because they have to sit in pickling salt and water overnight. Matt's been keeping the rinds for me. I hope they turn out awesome... or at least that Matt thinks they're awesome. I don't like anything that's been pickled. 

Other than making jam, I've been decorating and getting settled. Oh, and I've been working. I got a 8:30am to 5:00pm, full-time, outside-the-house job. I'll probably be sharing pics of the house, now that we've had time to get things settled, in the near future, and my parents, aunt, and Candi are coming to visit next week. So excited!