Hesitant, Hopeful

I have been having some crazy dreams. They've been pretty harmless, but they make me worry. I don't always dream so colorfully and when I do, I rarely remember it. So, this is a little bit unusual for me, at least in the last ten or so years. It's probably a weird admixture of horror movies and the fact that my life is a little off-kilter lately. 

Thanksgiving was a tough this year. I learned on Wednesday that my cousin, who was 42 years old, had died. He was only four years older than I am now. While I hadn't seen him in a long time, he had always been such a lovely person. His family is inconsolable over the loss, he and his wife had two children under five. It's been a blow to us all, even though of us who hadn't had seen him in recent years.

A loss like this puts things into some sort of perspective, especially at the holidays. All those things for which I wasn't feeling particularly thankful have fallen away. All that remains are those very basic things we should all be thankful to have, chief among them life. If you can see this, you should feel thankful. Not everyone is lucky enough to do the same.

If you were with your family this thanksgiving, all well, be thankful. If you have a roof over your head, be thankful. If you can hug your spouse, your parents, or your children, be thankful. If you can draw breath into your lungs or gorge on good food, be thankful.

Most of all, don't take for granted these things so many others don't have the luxury to enjoy. Take a minute to really count your blessings and tell your loved ones you love then and are Thankful they're there. You may not have another chance.

Our sweet 13 year old kitty, Galileo, has diabetes.

It's 9:30 on a Sunday morning. Matt's asleep because he works Sunday nights. Frank Sinatra is on the record player and the windows are all open, because it's a cool 52 degrees outside this morning. Fall is coming to Northern Utah, but right now we're in that weird transitional period when it's cool in the morning and warm in the afternoon. It's supposed to stop that this coming week; I'm greatful.

A photo posted by kristynmarie78 (@kristynmarie78) on Oct 2, 2016 at 8:42am PDT

We have an apple tree in our front yard and it's starting to feel like fall here. So, while browsing Pintrest yesterday, I can across a recipe for Caramel Apple Jam and knew immediately that I had to make it. But, I didn't have enough brown sugar. So, I moped around for a bit, then went back to Pintrest to find another apple jam recipe that I had the ingredients to make. While researching sugar substitutions, I found a great recipe for apple-maple jam that would do the trick.

Not only did it not require brown sugar, but I could use the bottle of pure maple syrup I had in the fridge. I don't put that stuff on pancakes, it's too expensive, but I had an entire bottle in there. It turned out to be just enough. And, the recipe didn't call for pectin. I made a no-pectin plum jam last year and it came out amazing, so I was eager to give it a shot again. Since apples make their own pectin, and I have a whole tree filled with them in my front yard, it seemed ideal.

I made a modified version of the recipe from Hestia's Kitchen blog and, although she says the recipe makes 8 half-pints, mine only made 6 1/2 half-pints. I'm not sure why, but not matter what recipe I use I've never managed to make as many jars as the recipe says is possible.


Apple-Maple Jam

12 cup.  Apples (peeled and diced)
6 cup     White Sugar
1 tbsp.   Butter
1 tsp.     Cinnamon
3/4 tsp.  Allspice
1/4 tsp.  Ground Cloves
2 tbsp.   Lemon Juice
1 cup     Pure Maple Syrup (the real stuff, not maple-flavored syrup)

Peel the apples and chop them into small pieces. It doesn't much seem to matter what kind of apples you use. I used apples from our tree and I have no idea what kind they are (they're a little tart, maybe Jonathans?). It still came out great.

In a large sauce pan/dutch oven combine apples with all of the rest of the ingredients. It's important that you use a pot that's plenty big enough so the jam can cook evenly.

Cook over medium heat until it begins to boil. When it's boiling, turn the temp up a bit and cook it until it begins to gel, stirring constantly so it doesn't scorch.



When it begins to gel and looks like it's thickening up (took mine about an hour), put some on a glass plate and put it in the freezer for a couple of minutes. When you take it out, tip the plate up. If it's ready, it won't run off the plate (like the pic on the right).

When it's done, take the pot off of the heat and let it cool on a cooling rack (the kind you use for cookies) for about five minutes. This allows it to cool just enough that the fruit won't all float to the top.

In the mean time, wash your jars with hot soapy water and dry, and soak the flat part of the jar lid in very hot water so they'll adhere to the jars. You'll also want to prepare the water bath canner by filling it with hot water and putting it on the stove on high heat to get the water boiling.

At the end of five minutes, fill the jars leaving 1/4 inch of empty space at the top. It's really helpful to have a ladle and jar funnel so you don't make a mess. When I started canning last year, I bought a set of canning tools and I've loved having them. Especially the jar tongs, which allow you to lift the jars out of the boiling water when they're done processing.

Wipe the tops of the jars with a clean, damp towel and place the flat part of the lid onto the jar. Once this is done for all of the jars, add the rings. Only hand tighten the rings, make sure they're secure but not too tight.

When the water in the canner is boiling, add the jars to the rack inside the canner and gently lower them into the boiling water. The jars need to be standing up, so if they fall over, use the jar tongs to stand them upright. It also helps to add some vinegar to the water bath inside the canner to prevent any minerals in the water from sticking to the jars. The vinegar ensures your jars come out nice and shiny.

Process the jars in the boiling water bath for 15 minutes, then gently lift them out using the jar tongs and place them onto a clean towel on the counter to cool.

The cooling process is my favorite part, other than eating the jam, of course, because I love the little popping sounds the jars make when they're sealing. It's got to be the most rewarding part of the whole canning process. It's a tiny little sound that means success!

Once they're cooled, check that the jars sealed by pressing down on the middle of the lid. If it's firm with no give, the jars sealed. If it makes a popping sound and springs up, it's not sealed. If one of the jars hasn't sealed, just put into the fridge. But, this shouldn't be a problem, The jars should seal just fine as long as you're using new flats.

I'm so happy with the final product and, as a bonus, while it was cooking my house smelled so fantastic!!

I got another box of goodies in the mail last week... or maybe I should say another goody in a box. Just one this time. Influenster sent me a ZzzQuil VoxBox. Inside was one dose of ZzzQuil (gelcaps) and a coupon for $2 off a ZzzQuil product. My husband loves this stuff, so I was eager to try it out. 

I've qualified for a VoxBox from Influenster. I'm so thrilled!! I've been feeling pretty yuck lately, so this has been a lovely surprise this week. It's filled with all sorts of awesome goodies, all of which I'll use, which is nice. No box full of useless junk here. This box is pretty dang fab!

I was almost 21 the first time I moved away from home. A native Californian, I picked up and relocated to Texas to be with a man I met on the internet. It was a radial thing to do in 1999, when there was no such thing as eHarmony or Match. We met randomly and I took my chances. Divorcing and blinded by youthful recklessness, I went.

It was just a few short days after Memorial Day in 2015 when I moved away from home again. We left Texas on May 28, 2015. It was another adventure, one I was happy to be having, however difficult it was. I wasn't quite as overcome by the adventure as I was when I was 21, but I was ready for a change all the same.

Now that it's been a year since we left Texas, I realize that I took Texas for granted. I miss my friends there, but I also just miss Texas. I miss the food and the cities, the people... everything but the weather, really. I want to go see Amanda and Karen, have dinner with Tommy, drop by to visit Melanie. I want to go to the drive-in and museums in Fort Worth. I want to shop at Central Market and have some really excellent Tex-Mex. I want the little towns with their town squares and Granbury at Christmastime. I want to go to Waco and walk on the suspension bridge at night. I want to visit Lover's Leap at Cameron Park where Matt proposed to me all those years ago.

I want Texas back.

#pretty day here in central #Texas. Took this somewhere between #Lingleville and #Stephenville. #road #highway #countryroads #clouds #skyscape #nofilter #iphone5 #iphoneography

A photo posted by kristynmarie78 (@kristynmarie78) on Sep 16, 2014 at 2:43pm PDT

It's a new year. I'm so excited. I've decided that this year, I'm going to treat myself better, with more care and kindness. It's vague, but it's appropriate for where I am in life.

I need to lose weight, take better care of my skin, try for more positivity, take more time to read and less time to worry, go back to therapy, give up one-sided relationships, make a new friend, drink more wine, eat less carbs, sleep better, close the comments section, treat my husband with more tenderness, learn something new, and be less judgmental. I need to make more time for the things that matter and be less concerned about the things that don't. I'll write more stories and finish the ones I've started. Pay down our debt and worry less about money.

This year, I'm taking better care of myself by letting go of the things that hurt and hanging on tighter to the things that feel good. I'm letting go of people who make excuses, but don't do anything to make things better. I'm going to work harder to make connections with the people I love and value. This year, I'm having a modicum of self-worth.

But, most of all, this year I'm going to be more open. In 2014 I said that I would take chances when things come into my life and, I think, I've stayed true to that over the last two years. I've picked up and moved, gotten a job that's completely different than anything I've done before, we've bought a house even though it was a fiasco. Last year, for the first time, I succeeded at (most of) my resolution... even though it was from 2014. While I didn't make last years resolution work, I still think my year was full and wonderful anyway, even when it was difficult.

Happy New Year, y'all!!