Tuesday, February 19, 2019

How exactly do they test that?

Matt went to the grocery store on Sunday to get a few things we needed. This is hit and miss. Sometimes, he comes home with everything and it's all the right stuff. Sometimes, like Sunday, he comes home with everything and some of it's the wrong stuff. In this case, the man knowingly and willfully committed the cardinal sin of grocery shopping... he bought one ply toilet paper.

Okay, it's gross to talk about toilet paper, right? Right. But seriously, why do they even make this stuff in one ply? He also got the wrong brand. I fixed this, but now it's toilet paper wars around our house. He has been forbidden to use my two ply until all the gross paper he bought is gone. He says he got it because "the bears like it." He's kidding, of course, but still... come on, man!

But then today, while straitening up the hall cabinet--because for some reason we tend to just shove the plastic wrap from the old toilet paper to the back of the (very deep) cabinet when we put the new stuff in there--I got to thinking about the packaging and the way they market this stuff. Without getting totally gross, they talk about the ripples or how strong it is, or how it won't leave furry dust bunnies in it's wake. But, I mean, how do they test that exactly? What kind of job would that be? Toilet paper tester. And what about the people whose job it is to design toilet paper--or paper towels and maxi pads, for that matter--what kind of education do you need for that? Personal hygiene product engineer?

I'm totally serious... mostly. I want to know how they test it. Since Matt works in production, I know, of course, that the paper itself is tested in a factory setting and is totally legit. Got that part. I kind of want to know how to know the ripples will make you more clean or that it won't leave fuzz on your ass? I think they would have to just assume that, right?

I digress. I made such a freaking fuss about the one ply and the fact that he bought the wrong brand, that he might just remember next time. Maybe. In the mean time, I'm going to try (and fail) to keep my mind occupied by less mundane and, quite frankly, gross topics going forward.

PS.I just tagged this post "marriage, toilet paper" which, I won't lie, made me laugh. 😁