Hesitant, Hopeful

So here's a couple of things you might not know about me. I suck at willpower. Maybe everyone does sometimes, but I suck at it all the time. I'm bad at forming good habits, but I'm still trying. I'm terrible at eating at home, especially when Door Dash makes it so damn easy not to. I have no impulse control. I hate to clean, so my house is kind of a mess and I don't have enough energy to care.

All of that means one thing... I am shit with money. Like, really, really shit. If I want something, I buy it. I can't seem to save money and maybe the cost of eating out doesn't help with that. I sign up for subscriptions and forget about them and money comes out that I don't even notice until I need it. I'm a little bit of a mess.

So, in order to be less of a mess, I signed up for one of those services that tell you what subscriptions you have and how much money you spend. It was awesome, because it allowed me to close out some subscriptions that're costing me a lot. But, it's also kind of brutal because it does it's job and tells me how much money I spend which, makes me feel like even more of a mess. Wait, no, it allows me see that I am a mess.

Like, today my summary said that between May 24 and June 24th I spent wasted about $370 on random crap (dice, amazon, audible, and Starbucks). The only one of those I can even come close to justifying is the Amazon because, like, Father's Day. But the rest of that is on me. That's a a lot of hours worked on to buy random crap I didn't so much need and that doesn't even count how much it costs us to eat out every month. The app says that I spent $685 eating at restaurants in June. I spent almost $1000 on absolutely nothing in just one month.

Told you I was a mess.

I'm sitting around here looking at our budget, wondering where all our money went. Um, hello! Heeelllloooo!! Such a mess.

But... there is a silver lining. Watch me be positive and look for a way to learn from this... Seeing that I waste that much money, in black and white with cute email graphics, means I can absolutely make a change.

I'm going to try, that's the most I can do, right?