Hesitant, Hopeful

It's a cool, rainy Sunday morning and I spent the first three hours of my day (before the football games) reading my new Coffee and a Classic book. For the September box, I choose the non-fiction pick and I could not be happier with it. The book is The Borden Murders: Lizzie Borden and the Trial of the Century by Sarah Miller. Considering I'm absolutely obsessed with Lizzie Borden, and true crime in general, this box has been my favorite so far. Yes, I've loved all of them, but this one spoke directly to my soul.

So check this box out...

The book is hardback and well bound. Even without the dust jacket, it's a lovely black book with silver embossed lettering on the spine. The box also includes a journal, a bath bomb, book mark (in the little black bag), a coffee mug, cocoa, and a treat. The color theme, red, black, and gray, is just lovely. As always, the box's curation is top notch and wait until you see some of these things up close!

I started read this morning, while the house was quiet. My husband works nights, so he sleeps in the morning. With the rain and gloom, the house is cool, so I snuggled up with a blanket and mug of the cocoa that came with the box. So far, I'm loving it--the book and the cocoa. The book is clearly sympathetic toward Lizzie, which was a nice surprise, considering most people believe she did it. Even though they know nothing about her or the case. I'm enjoying it. I would imagine I'll finish it this week and will probably take some time to review it when I'm finished. I'm finding Sarah Miller's writing to be compelling. A lovely mix of near-fiction and hard fact that makes the book really interesting.

Okay, so  seriously, look what was hiding inside the little black bag in the first pic...

It's a book mark, how awesome is that?! I wish I had been able to get a better picture of it. It's so dainty, I'm a little bit afraid to use it for fear I'll accidentally break it because, well, I'm a little clumsy. I saw on the Coffee and a Classic Instagram that they were painting these. I absolutely love it. Their attention to detail when curating these boxes is second to none.

It's a journal! I love the phrase on the cover. There was a pear tree in the Borden's yard. Lizzie said she had collected some and taken them to the attic loft to chill and look through some old tool boxes, which was where she said she was when her father and step-mother were brutally murdered. The little journal is nicely bound and, as you can see from the cover, has a nice cloth texture.

I never actually write in these. I'm one of those people who buy/collect journals and notebooks, but never can bring myself to deface them. I have a ton of unused journals around. That's not something that's likely to change, but this makes a nice addition to that collection.


I won't lie, I ate this the second after this picture was taken. It's impossible to see from the picture, but the stick is actually plastic and looks like a wooden tree branch, which is a lovely touch. The marshmallow was so incredibly soft. It just melted in my mouth. According to the insert, it came from The Marshmallow Cart in Portland, Maine. I cannot even begin to tell you how sad I was to find that they do not ship. You can order their lovely marshmallows online, but they have to be picked up. I hope they make them available to ship soon, I want more of these. 


I've mentioned before that I started collecting mugs, so these boxes have been great for adding to my collection. I would like to say right now that this is my new favorite mug. I could not adore it more. The caption, "Fueled by true crime and coffee" is me to the core. All the way to. the. core. I'm a true crime junkie, so this mug speaks to me. In fact, I had my cocoa in this mug this morning and am currently enjoying another cup of cocoa in this very mug right now, as I type this. Both of the cocoas from this morning have been from the recent boxes.


Speaking of cocoa. This is the one that came in this box. Red Velvet! I love that they call it "Forty Whacks Hot Cocoa." The lovely pictures on the front of these pouches are so great, I'm considering cutting them off the pouches (when they're empty, of course) and framing them for hanging in my kitchen. I've only thrown away one of them, the first one, before I had this idea. We'll see how that goes. 

The cocoa is from McStevens as have most of them been. And, as with most of them, I have really loved it. It has a lovely sweet chocolate flavor that's different from a regular cocoa. Now that I've found three or four of these I've really loved from McStevens, I'm going to make an order. The shipping is insane, so ordering just one isn't worth it. Ordering four, though, that would make it so much more cost efficient. Especially now that's getting cold and is actually cocoa weather again. 

And finally, the box insert. I've put it into the box, as I have with almost all of the others, and am currently using it as a book mark. The only thing you will find on the insert, and in the first picture of the whole box, that I haven't really discussed is the bath bomb. I don't have a bathtub that plugs and I don't particularly like the dragonblood scent, so I left that one thing out.

Overall, as I said before going into detail about the box itself, I love this one. I could not be happier. Of all the boxes I've gotten so far, this one is by far an easy favorite. I love (almost) everything about it. There's no sneak peek of next month's box yet, but I am so excited to see what they come up with for October. If this is what they did for September, October is bound to be amazing. I can't wait to see!

**Absolutely not a paid endorsement, I pay for this subscription every month. None of the links are ads. I have not been paid to endorse any of them. I just love the products.**

I mentioned a few months ago that I had a roll of undeveloped, black and white 35mm film from the late 90's when I took a photography class. I've been looking for someone who can develop it and the one company that got back to me said the rust on the outside of the canister has likely corrupted the film and made it undevelopable (is that a word?). But they're willing to try, so I'm going to send it to them to see if maybe there's something salvageable on there. If not, then I suppose it will remain a mystery as to what I shot on that roll.

In the mean time, while going through a dresser that's full of old files and junk, I came across a few black and whites I took during that class. They're photos that I developed with my own two hands and thought it might be fun to share while I wait to see if the ones on the roll turn out. They're a little bit random, a representative of project requirements I can't remember anymore.

Silverwood Lake, San Bernardino County, 1997

I took this shot of Silverwood lake from the pull out on the way to the park gate. I believe the lake was low because they were working on the dam, but it might also have been drought, or a combination of both.

Your move, 1997

Satellite, 1997

Do you remember your first kiss? The first kiss with your significant other, a first kiss with a lover somewhere along the way, the one defining kiss that's sealed itself in your brain so completely that when you think about kisses, it's your only memory?

Some ladies in one of my Facebook groups were having a lively discussion about kissing earlier this week, sharing memories about their first or most memorable kisses. I didn't jump in because I'm a lurker in most groups and also because I don't remember my first kiss. I have no idea when, how long, or who my kissing partner was. I do have one bad memory of an attempted kiss when I was 15 years old that never happened because, quite grossly, his mouth was wide open and I took off before he could suck my face. Not surprisingly, we broke up that afternoon.

But, my most memorable kiss was and still is a good memory. One that will forever rise above all others and that, thanks to that Facebook group chat, has been floating around in the front of my mind for a the past few days. I don't think about it most of the time. Almost never, until this last week. It's just a thing that happened, in my past, when I was 18 years old... twenty-three years ago. Maybe I remember it because I was young and my mind was still capable of hanging on to memories like that. When I was a little less cynical. But, I like to think it's because the kiss was remarkable.

It was the mid-90s and I was working a seasonal job at a local department store. This particular night was dark, it was almost ten o'clock, and the late October/early November desert air was cool. I was wearing a light weight black dress with a pretty floral pattern, the back had a double strap crossing pattern that exposed just a little bit of my mid-back. The sleeves were short and the dress was just above the knee length. It had a slightly low-cut sweetheart-like neckline.  It was pretty and was my favorite.

I had been working during closing that evening and was walking out with a co-worker to wait by the back door for a friend who was taking me home. There was a small, dim light above the back door, but it didn't shed much light. The co-worker I'd walked out with, a very good looking, early 30's guy, waited with me. He worked loss prevention and though his truck was parked around the corner, he didn't want to leave me standing alone in the dark.

We must have been talking about something, but I can't at all remember what. It's not significant. What I do remember is the warmth of his hand on the side of my face before he kissed me. I remember the color of his hair and eyes, the style of his frames, his height and stature. I won't go into detail about how it felt, how I felt, other than to say I felt warm and... desired. It was the first time I had felt truly desired.

Maybe it was the circumstances, the night, my age, his age, some other things happening in my personal life at the time. Maybe it was the illicitness of the kiss. We were both otherwise attached and we definitely should not have been kissing in the dark. Whatever the reason, that one single kiss is imprinted on my memory. It wasn't the only kiss I shared with this person, but it's the only one I remember in such striking detail.

In the twenty-three years since then, this is the first time I've shared that memory with anyone. I've never spoken about it or put it into words, even to friends who knew what was going on in my life at the time or since. It certainly wasn't something I wanted to share with a group of judgmental strangers on Facebook and I'm not even sure why I'm sharing it here, other than to get it out of my head and because, even though it wasn't appropriate circumstances, it's one of my best memories.

I got my August Coffee and a Classic book box a couple of days ago. The classic literature selection for the month was Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. I feel like a broken record, but the box was just as beautifully curated as they all have been. The book is hard cover and absolutely beautiful. All of that said, for several reasons, it's probably going to be a long while before I get around to reading this one. It's extremely heavy and I've heard that, in the trend of the Russian authors of his time, this book is so depressing. Since I'm already falling down that deep, dark hole, reading a sad book isn't on my agenda.

I'm having a bit of a rough week and have been feeling quite emotionally drained. I had an interview for a job that I'm very qualified for, but due to my horrid social skills, I didn't score a second round interview. I like the job I currently have, so I'm trying not to let it get me down. But, that's not going as well as you might imagine. The ever-present depression is creeping in to take me over again, I can feel it, but I'm trying to push back.

In an effort to put the shitty week behind me, I've been trying to perk myself up with reminders that now that it's September... fall is coming. The Pumpkin Spice Latte (and the new Pumpkin Cream Cold Brews, too) came back earlier than ever this year, football season starts next week, and in the next month it's going to begin to cool down. Everything is going to turn beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow, and soon, I won't even remember this horrible, rotten, no good week.

That's honestly helping a little bit. Fall is my favorite season. I look forward to the end of summer every year and don't even mind that fall is the gateway to winter. Everything about fall makes me happy. Everything. In fact, I love pumpkin spice so much, I got a t-shirt to declare my undying allegiance for the tasty squash and spices. It came this week and looks great on me, so that's a win from my otherwise gloomy week. Well, that and I've had two venti Pumpkin Cream Cold Brews and a PSL in the last two days, so that helps with my mood a bit, too.

It really, truly cannot come soon enough. I can only hold the gloom back so long before it breaks my will and I fall into the encouraging depressive void. Fingers cross fall gets here first.

Fall 2018