Friday, December 31, 2021

Goodbye 2021

I'm floored that it's almost 2022. I think I may actually say that every year... but it's still completely true. And, really, probably more true this year than most. Because, let's face it, 2021 has been kind of a shitshow. Hell, the last two years have been, which I think is almost everyone's experience since the start of the pandemic. The last two years have been so memorable, I'm sure I'll never forget them. I'm not sure the dumpster fire is worth the memories, but it's not really up to me.

This year started with me being out of work and ended with surgery for a badly broken leg. In the middle we had a broken down vehicle, had to have our 15 year old Shih-tzu put down, adopted two sweet little cats, I went to the doctor for the first time in seven years, I got a new job, had a pretty serious upper respiratory infection and no voice for two months, a cancelled vacation to AZ, had a visit from my little sister, and my best friend earning her Ph.D. It's been a crazy year.

In all that, my #1 take away from 2021 has been not to take the things you have, and can do, for granted. So, as we go into a new year, that's my focus. I'm going to take every day with gratitude and not take the small things for granted. Will I always succeed at that? Hell no, nope, no way. Zero chance. But, I'm going to try and that's what's important. I'm going to try to be happy with what I have, be grateful for the ability to walk, even a little bit, and do everything I can to make 2022 a better year than the last two have been. Happy New Year!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Merry Christmas

It's been a tough, trying year but we're ending it on a quiet note here in Northern Utah. Wherever you are, we hope your Christmas is calm and bright. Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 16, 2021

Kinda, Sorta Back on My Feet

I'm partial weight bearing! I went to the doctor on December 10th for my 6 week surgical follow-up and the doctor was so happy with my progress. He said the x-rays looked fantastic, the bone is healing up, and everything looks great. No infection, no issues, so he told me I could move to the walker boot (no more splints!!!) and partial weight bearing. Then, in a few weeks, I could try to move to full weight bearing. So, it looks like I'll be walking on my own in another week or so... maybe.

I let the doctor know that I was scared to try to walk again. He seemed sympathetic to that, so it's probably something he hears from time to time. But, he said he was also a little bit glad I was nervous about it because it means I'll be cautious and not try to overdo it. He's right and wrong, because anxiety is something I live with every day and I'm impatient. Being afraid or worried is a default state for me. It might not slow me down from trying to get moving as quickly as possible because, while I know that I should take it easy, pushing through fear is a big part of my every day life. 

When we got home after that appointment, I tried to take a step by myself so I wouldn't fall off the porch and the pain was intense. Strangely, it wasn't the bones in my leg that hurt, it was my heel. I immediately didn't try that again. But, after that, I was also even more scared to try to walk because I'm not a fan of hurting and I've been in so much pain over the last two and a half months, I don't want to do something that's going to increase that. Jokes on me, though, because trying to walk again hurts. 

I used my crutches to partially weight bear to began hobbling around and, surprisingly, it was going pretty dang well. I could suddenly be vertical on my own. I learned how to get out of my chair without needing my knee scooter. In fact, the knee scooter isn't that compatible with the walking boot's weight, so it's better without the scooter. I could go into the tiny front bathroom in my house again without trouble, I could go into the kitchen for a tiny bit, and I could return to my diamond painting hobby for a little while before the pain in my foot became too much.

On Tuesday this week, the dreaded walker showed up. I got it off the porch all by myself even though it took forever for me to do so and got it set-up. And, not going to lie, it's made my life so much easier. It's helped with my atrocious balance issues and I bought a pouch for the front that helps me carry things, something I couldn't do with crutches. I still use the crutches to go up and down the stairs and I used the knee scooter to get out of the bathtub, because I'm not allowed to weight bear without the walker boot, but that's all. It's walker all the way.

Yesterday, I was able to take a shower by myself. I used my scooter to get out and my bath chair, but I did it without needing my husband's help. For the first time in more than two months, I did something for myself. I've also been able to do a bit of laundry and I did a load of dishes. I'm going to start trying to cook dinner again because ordering Door Dash all the time is for the birds. Not only is it unhealthy to eat out all the time, but it's crazy expensive to order food to the house.

It seems like I'm on the upswing, which is something I'm trying hard to remember when I'm feeling low. This whole ordeal has made my mental health pretty atrocious, but with the help of a loving, supportive husband and a very supportive family, I've been able to power through the down days. And, it's almost Christmas and the snow has finally come to Northern Utah, which is picking up my spirits. Onward and upward, as they say. 

Monday, December 6, 2021

I Bought a Damn Walker

I literally just ordered a walker on Amazon. I'm 43 years old and I've never felt older than I do right now. This whole ordeal with my foot has been trying, but ordering a walker seems to be the thing that's really pushing my boundaries. I didn't feel too bad when I got crutches, or when I ordered the knee scooter, but buying the walker is kind of emotionally painful. 

I mean, of course, I feel completely awful about falling down the stairs and breaking my leg in two places (bimallolear fracture). I feel completely ridiculous about needing a pretty major surgery after having a random klutzy moment. I've been up and down, I've felt completely helpless, I've been angry and depressed. I've been upset about needing so much help, not being about to do much around the house or cook meals. I've been antsy about getting back on my feet. I've been feeling grateful and loved to have a husband who has been so amazing through the whole ordeal. But, ordering a walker has made me feel like an complete invalid.

Do I know, intellectually, that that's ridiculous? Of course! Walkers aren't just for elderly people, they're for anyone with any sort of mobility issues. That's me. I also know that I'm not that old. But, ordering a damn walker has made me feel pretty terrible. Which, in itself, is kind of... well, terrible. Because ordering a walker means that I'm making progress, that I'm closer to being back on my feet even though I'll need help. And, while I have crutches, have y'all tried to use crutches? They are pretty fucking terrible. 

So, my shiny new walker will be here middle of next week. About a half-week after I'll actually need it. But, if what I've been reading is any indication, I'm going to need it for a while. Heck, even my doctor says that I'm not going to even be 80% for 3-4 months. So, if I can start to walk again after a month and a half (God willing) then that adds up to a bit of time learning to walk on my right leg again. Which, frankly, is going to suck. I'm sort of terrified about that part. I mean, laying in bed is easy, even if it's boring. And, even though I'm eager to be back on my feet, I'm scared too. 

Even though tomorrow is officially my 6 week post-op, my appointment isn't until Friday (12/10). They'll take x-rays, see if I'm ready, and will probably be moved to partial weight bearing. I am so eager and nervous about this appointment because I'm ready to walk again, but I'm scared about how that's going to go. I want to start driving again, but I know I have a few months before that'll be possible. I'm honestly just sick of being unable to move on my own. I want to be independent again, even if that means using a walker for a while.